Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
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"Neighbors" tops the box office, attracting people who are tired of thinking, and can't understand microwave popcorn directions. #BrainDead
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) May 12, 2014
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These are the same people who loved Grown-Ups 2.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. As does clog dancing.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) May 12, 2014
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Deep Thoughts With Josh Malina.
Spew as many "I Love You's" as possible today whether it be friends/strangers. People's initial reaction will put a smile on your/their face
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) May 12, 2014
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Plus, it will totally devalue saying “I love you.” Win-win.
I bet snakes are really good at French kissing.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) May 12, 2014
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I wish my brain worked like his.
Johnny Manziel has the best selling rookie jersey on NFLShop. #2? Michael Sam.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) May 12, 2014
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Love it.
My lips are overdrawn to compensate for my lack of giving a shit
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) May 12, 2014
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Same here.
hi, my name is james. i am here to make out with babes and show my penis to strangers. what do you do for a living?
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) May 12, 2014
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Nothing that great.
Putin scores 6 goals in 21-4 men's league game. Fuck. I gotta get my own country.
— Denis Leary (@denisleary) May 12, 2014
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It certainly does have its perks.
until you like my Instagram photo I'm just going to assume you are mad at me for something I did and I'm not joking
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 12, 2014
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I think she’s serious.
Trying to convince my sister to attack Jay Z.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) May 12, 2014
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Not if I can get mine to do it first.
Jay Z never should have mentioned he didn't like Scrubs. Some people get super pissed.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) May 13, 2014
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So that’s why Solange gave him a beatdown.
Dicks…in our hands. Dicks….in…our hands.
— Ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) May 13, 2014
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Catchy.
Most people get in elevators & pretend to text, hoping to ignore small talk with their fellow man. At least Solange was trying to connect.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) May 13, 2014
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Solid point.
Nothing better in life than a woman that I don't know that's 200 lbs overweight telling me short gray hair isn't working for me.
— Kevin Nash (@RealKevinNash) May 13, 2014
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That is a high point.
"The only good thing about Lego, is the sound it makes going up the Hoover" My dad is a simple but passionate man
— jim jefferies (@jimjefferies) May 13, 2014
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I think I would like his dad.
The only thing more irritating than Donald Sterling being a cunt is Adam Silver continually apologizing for him.
— Jim Norton (@JimNorton) May 13, 2014
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Silver’s on lawsuit high alert.
That thing on TV where the one actor played the Clippers' owner and the other guy played Anderson Cooper was pretty dark.
— Kenny Mayne (@Kenny_Mayne) May 13, 2014
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That was a fictional show, right? It couldn’t have been real.
Miley Cyrus rode in on a giant inflatable penis at a London concert. This is not news. If she read Anna Karenina onstage, that'd be NEWS!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) May 13, 2014
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She has a point.
I don't mind stepping in gum as long as it's still in the mouth of someone I hate.
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) May 13, 2014
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So violent, yet so funny.
Where are all the people who ripped the reffing in the NCAA tourney by saying NBA refs are so much better?
— Seth Davis (@SethDavisHoops) May 14, 2014
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Watch Pawn Stars.
in kd's famous mvp acceptance speech he forgot to thank the refs that keep making sure he doesn't get knocked out of the playoffs.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) May 14, 2014
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He’s saving that for his Finals MVP speech.
it's not easy getting old losing ur sight ur memory, hearing nor pooping yourself accidentally & being tired & not knowing how2 turn on TV.
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) May 14, 2014
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And ability to form coherent thoughts.
If kids get money for losing teeth shouldn’t I get something for all the hair I’m losing? Maybe a toasted everything bagel w/ cream cheese?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) May 14, 2014
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Would that gift come from The Hair Fairy?
Anybody free to have lunch and converse on various topics with no filter?
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) May 14, 2014
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He said this on Twitter.
god dammit when you are annoyed with the douchebag in the car next to you blasting music but you like the song.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 14, 2014
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Hate when that happens.
When you stand with your hands under an empty paper towel dispenser, waiting for towels, while the people who work there laugh at you.
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) May 14, 2014
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Let them have that, they don’t have much else.
Had a dream: hanging w/Justin Bieber before his concert. Watching a Spurs game and old Hannah Montana reruns. Then a dog showed up. #helpme
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) May 15, 2014
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I believe that’s the first sign of impending insanity.
When it's this hot, I like to wear a nice light cotton sun dress so I can feel the breeze on my #dadhole.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 15, 2014
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Oh God.
Twitter is doing this charming thing where it decides to follow people randomly. The machines have become self aware.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) May 15, 2014
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We knew that day would come.
Whomever is tweeting for Morrissey sucks at it and is ruining all of our early years.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) May 15, 2014
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Seriously there’s no way that’s him doing it.
Girls.. there's no Prince Charming but there is a Captain Shithead.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) May 15, 2014
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That’s Cap’n Crunch’s distant cousin, right?
What, #Clipper fans classless? Never
— Doug Gottlieb (@GottliebShow) May 16, 2014
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Them’s fightin’ words.
No matter who wins, amount of bitching/moaning by both @okcthunder & @LAClippers is unsettling. It's simply needs to lessen…now!
@ESPNNBA
— Jim Ross (@JRsBBQ) May 16, 2014
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JR has spoken.
I think jack Nicholson is being unfairly blamed for the Clippers' loss.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) May 16, 2014
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He brought that bad Lakers juju with him.
I bet sterling is rolling in his grave right now
— josh groban (@joshgroban) May 16, 2014
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Some people wish…
the internet is the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to us
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 16, 2014
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Any argument?
The Solange never have any problem if the Beyonce married the @ThisIsRobThomas
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) May 15, 2014
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Have a great weekend everybody!