Man Lands In Jail After Committing The Single Worst Crime In The History Of Mankind: Riding A Manatee

By 09.21.16
Florida Man Rides Manatee

FWC / Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission


A ‘verbally combative’ man was arrested and placed into an isolation cell after committing the single worst atrocity known to man. 47-year-old James Roy Massengale Jr. shouted out ‘I’m riding it’ to a witness befoe swimming out and messing with two adult manatees and two baby manatee calves. He was informed that touching, harassing, or molesting manatees in any way is illegal, but proceeded to do so anyway, and that’s when the police got called.

Once arrested, the reportedly homeless man began chanting ‘take me to jail’ until he was thrown into an isolation cell, and prior to that he even told another onlooker that he’d planned to punch one of the arresting cops in the face.

CBS Local Miami reports:

Massengale reportedly told the witness, “I’m riding it!” The witness said he told him that manatees were an endangered species and it was illegal to bother them then pretended to leave the area. But still watching him, the witness say Massengale go back into the creek and re-engage with the manatees, said FWC.
An FWC officer also witnessed Massengale touching and laying over the manatees in the water including a calf.
Massengale became verbally combative with the FWC officer, chanted “take me to jail,” and was even told by another person on the scene to “hit them [the officers] in the face so that they’d have to take him to jail.”

I could be wrong here, and it might seem very insensitive to make this supposition, but my hunch is that this crazed homeless man was just looking for a night in jail to get a few free meals out of the state and he knew that by harassing the manatees police would be called and he’d immediately be arrested. Now it’s complete and utter bullshit that he chose to commit atrocities on the manatees in order to get arrested. As far as I know, the only acceptable human-manatee confrontation in history is when 30 Rock‘s Jack Donaghy went manatee hunting on August 12, 2003:

30 Rock Jack Donaghy Manatee Hunting

30 Rock / NBC

manatee, 30 rock


According to the Miami Herald, James Roy Massengale Jr was held on a $25,000 bond and charged with ‘annoying, molesting, harassing, or disturbing a manatee’, but this is only a misdemeanor violation because we have an assbackwards court system.

If I was the judge I’d go ahead and lock this man up now and throw away the key. No citizen has the right to molest the sea cow, nature’s most majestic creature, an animal without any known predators. He needs to pay for his crimes. Just look at these majestic creatures and tell me that a man shouldn’t be locked up for life for harrassing one:

funny pictures

radass


funny pictures

imgur


…For more on this arrest you can head over to The Miami Herald and/or CBS Local!

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