Lady Is Suing Starbucks For $5 MILLION For The Most Petty Reason Imaginable

A woman has taken Starbucks to court, leading a class action lawsuit of $5 million against the coffee giant.

Care to take a guess at what preposterous act Starbucks inflicted on its customers to warrant a $5 MILLION lawsuit? I’d guess the barista has been taking a dump in the iced venti cups or the breakfast sandwich meat is made from the flesh of dead babies or baristas have been writing racist and/or homophobic slurs on the cups. Just spitballing here.

But, like most things in life, I was wrong.

Stacy Pincus filed the lawsuit against the company claiming that the company puts too much ice in the drinks.

Hold up.

According to Metro, Pincus claims that customers actually only get half of what they’re paying for in their drinks.

Per court papers,

A Starbucks customer who orders a Venti cold drink receives only 14 fluid ounces of that drink — just over half the advertised amount, and just over half the amount for which they are paying.’

They add: ‘In essence, Starbucks is advertising the size of its cold drink cups on its menu, rather than the amount of fluid a customer will receive when they purchase a cold drink – and deceiving its customers in the process.’

Starbucks told TMZ: ‘Our customers understand and expect that ice is an essential component of any “iced” beverage.’

If she is awarded one fucking dollar from this suit, I’m going to nose dive off a tall building. We’ve got Stephen Avery rotting in prison because he’s too goddamn dumb to defend himself and petty, lazy women potentially getting caked up for ice cubes. IS THAT JUSTICE!?

[h/t Metro]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.