Of course none of these dudes are American. Why? Because there’s a 0% chance that a lazy American man filled to the brim with self-loathing and fried food would race through a hole of golf instead of taking as much time as humanly possible to line up their shot and slam multiple beers in an attempt to forget why their wife is mad at them. But in reality, this is pretty awesome. The whole afternoon (which probably really only took about an hour out of everyone’s day) was sponsored by the European Tour and yes, despite how law-less the proceedings appear, there were a few rules. Namely, the hole has to be at least 500 yards and each player has to hit the ball. The previous record was 68 seconds which ended up getting absolutely decimated by both the French and Denmark teams. Which led to some fucking horrible chest bumps. Hot take: Europeans are phenomenal golfers but abysmal chest bumpers. They looked like a bunch of women who just got breast implants attempting to bump chests in order to fit in with the local fraternity without irritating their new racks. I will admit that while Team Spain was pretty bad at golf, I was ok with not seeing them try to chest bump. Even though their ball ended up in the water.
