Diplo Says He Is ‘Scared For His Life’ When It Comes To Taylor Swift Because Of All The Secrets He Knows About Her

Diplo is best known for making ratchet songs that make girls get up on stage and twerk so hard that I wouldn’t be surprised if their anuses prolapsed into their pants. Is that a lovely image? I think so. A Diplo concert typically looks something like this:

So now that you know all the important information about Diplo that there is to be known, you’ll be happy to know that he’s not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift. Or maybe he is. I don’t know! I’m not a fucking Diplo whisperer. But the following doesn’t sound very positive, it sounds more judgmental and “Dat gurl b a snake yo”-esque.

The music engineering master revealed that the 25-year-old singer is very smart when it comes to her own social networking in GQ’s February music issue.

‘Taylor Swift is very strategic with her friends and enemies. And I know lots of secrets,’ Diplo – whose real name is Thomas Wesley Pentz – told the magazine.

But like the excellent businessman that he is, Diplo, 36, kept that information classified.

‘I can’t divulge, but I know a lot of stuff about her,’ the DJ said, adding with obvious humour: ‘ And I’m scared. I’m scared for my life.’

Via Daily Mail

To be fair, a big part of being successful is knowing the right people. You could be a world-class poet but if you live in the middle of the Sahara desert and the only interaction you have is with your pet camel…well, no one’s going to give a shit about your poetry.

At the same time though, is anyone surprised that T-Swizzurp is picking and choosing her friends to make sure she stays relevant? When I make friends with someone I like to think that we’re friends because we like each other, not because down the road there’s potential for me to be a career booster. Ulterior motives motherfucker, she’s got ‘em. This whole thing explains why T-Swiffer is randomly friends with Lorde all of a sudden. I mean, look at this shit:


Lorde is 19. T-Swimmer is 25. You’re telling me that they became friends organically and not through some ill-conceived plot to remain popular on T-Swishy’s behalf? Not to be a shallow twat, but I’m going to be a shallow twat here and say that there is no way in god’s green fuck of a vagina that those two would have been friends in high school; more like T-Swirlflavoredicecream would’ve shoved Lorde into lockers and then Lorde would’ve gone home and written angsty emo poetry about it.

[H/T Daily Mail]