Tila Tequila has super powers now

This Tila Tequila video doesn’t bode well for the future of the human race. There are few people in this world I find quite as funny as Tila Tequila. She’s basically like Lindsay Lohan if she read Infowars all day and made more YouTube videos. After starting out as a Playboy Cyber Girl, Tequila’s odyssey has seen her sue her football player boyfriend, take the stage at the Gathering of the Juggalos, fake pregnancy multiple times, and have a brain aneurysm.

Her latest thing has been all about the reptilian overlords that rule the world, and she’s been banned from Facebook for some reason due to the Illuminati and the evil conspiracies. So, obviously, the next logical step is for her to demonstrate post-human activities. In the above video, Tequila demonstrates her newfound ability to “create energy balls” in her hands. Typically these are not the usual kind of balls she has in her hands. Oh, and she also says she can create lasers.

Done watching the video? Didn’t see anything? No chit you didn’t, buddy, this girl is high AF and imagining the whole damn thing. “You see the sparkles flying out of my fingertips?” No, girl, those are tracers. Those are from drugs. You’re not Goku from Dragonball. Hell, you’re not even this kid.

I’ve emailed Tila Tequila offering her use of my batcave in her fight against injustice and evil. With great power comes great responsibility, and I’m sure that her finger lasers and invisible energy balls will clean up this corrupt country in no time flat. Maybe she can get Amanda Bynes to be her driver.