Now, I’m not a dude but I can imagine that for many of you out there approaching a pretty lady is scary, and hard. It seems like a situation in which a shot or ten beforehand wouldn’t hurt…right? I mean, let’s imagine you and your bros are out at the frat house, or the bar…etc, and you see some feminine hips and a hint of side boob. It quickly becomes obvious to you that you must try to talk to that girl.
Then what? Do you tell your bros and get them to encourage you to go over? What about the chance she thinks you’re just another creep and immediately turns you down? Do you approach from the side, so she can see you coming? Or do you talk to her less-hot friend first to get her attention? Should you be honest, like the guys in this Buzzfeed video, or should you be subtle and hope she picks up what you’re laying down?
Girls seem to have it so easy. They just show up and guys talk to them and then they get sex if they want it. However, this does not do justice to the plight of all my fellow ladies out there. First, 1 woman + showing up ≠ sex 100% of the time. That’s just not how it works. Second, there are PLENTY of women who go out, who have just as much sex drive as anyone, that go home without a partner, for plenty of reasons. So before we move forward, a moment of silence for all the ladies out there who are ALSO trying to work their way through a difficult and complicated social structure.
Okay. Now there are two ways to go about Talking To Women: tricks and secret hints to magic a woman into your bed, and then there’s this thing called “being yourself and being respectful.” I am going to explain the latter. If anyone is actually in touch with a wizard experienced in the former, they probably aren’t reading this article.
To approach a woman who appears to be alone, walk up to her, make sure she sees you before you say hello, and say, “hi.” Unless you’re exceptionally clever, do not try any fancy stuff. That stuff does not work. I’m sorry. But that’s life and life isn’t fair. If the woman is with her friends, let her make eye contact with you, and let her take the time to smile genuinely at you. Then you may approach and introduce yourself. Exclude anything superfluous—just tell her your dang name. You’re probably not going to impress her in the first five seconds of her knowing you, so Keep It Simple, Stupid.
When talking to a woman, be genuine, be yourself. Nothing is worse, whether you’re talking to a coworker at the water cooler or some rando at a party, than talking to someone who comes across as inauthentic. You will never ever be able to convince a woman to have sex with you by saying the “right thing” so don’t even try. Instead, be yourself, be nice, and strive for an equal-sided conversation; the rest will come if it may.
Now, about asking a woman home, or vice versa—all I have to say about this is that women are perfectly capable of initiating the process of sleeping with you. If it’s not clear and obvious that she likes you and wants to continue things, take this as a clear sign that she does not want to have sex with you. And that’s okay! You didn’t fail, and she isn’t a bitch. It just didn’t work out.
By putting yourself out there you are taking a risk. If that risk fails, resist the urge to blame the woman. A lack of chemistry on her end, or just general disinterest is not her fault, and there isn’t anything you can do to magically change her mind. Like I’ve said, being kind and respectful is how you should talk to women (#gentlebro), and if you do that and it doesn’t work out, by letting it go and walking away you’re leaving yourself open to meeting a really nice lady down the road.
Talking to women isn’t some big mystery—we’ve just made it one.