The Daylight Saving Time, Time Travelling Power Hour Sounds Amazing
In my 13 months at BroBible, I’ve gotten a lot of emails.
But this one is my favorite. By far. Not only is the idea genius, and the writer’s passion apparent, the guy even misspelled his own name in the third sentence. I’m just in awe of everything below.
Subject: The Power Hour That Never Happened
Dear BroBible Intern Bitch,
This Saturday marks the fourth anniversary of the Power Hour that Never Happened. Now I know what you’re thinking because I’m awesome. “But Constatine! How can a power hour never happen?” Shut the fuck up already and I’ll tell you. This is my email, not yours.
Ever heard of daylight savings time? Of course you have, Professor Dickweed. Well this Saturday is daylight savings time. That’s right, motherfucker. Daylight Motherfucking Savings time is here again. And that means that at 2:00 a.m. East Coast time (fuck those liberal West Coast pussies), our clocks will turn back one hour the way God and Benjamin Fucking Franklin intended. At precisely 1:00 a.m. we will begin the most powerful power hour your virgin eyes have ever seen, ending at exactly 2:00 a.m. when the clocks fall back. Do you fucking understand what just happened? We found a fucking loophole in the space-time continuum where we can start and end a power hour at the same time. Suck on that, Albert Einstein. I’ve got some relatively big balls you can fondle while you’re at it.
So where does that leave you, [add spanish insult] ? I am extending to you the unique opportunity and privilege to document this once-in-a-lifetime, yearly spectacle. You heard correctly. YOU can not only experience this yourself, but you can share what you witnessed with the whole fucking world. I know if I was some piss poor farmer in Vietnam I’d jump at the chance to watch Americans do anything, let alone the most spectacular event the world has ever known. Or not known, because it never. Fucking. Happens.
Now I don’t want you to take this email lightly. I know I joke but it’s only because I love this tradition, Intern Bitch. It is one that has been ingrained in Drexelian culture since before I can remember. The camaraderie and unity felt is unlike any other you’ve ever known. Or never known because it NEVER. FUCKING. HAPPENS. So please, little Intern Bitch, I only ask that you find it in your heart to share this feeling with the world. Or at least the world with internet. Fuck those other guys. I digress. This means the world to us. Or at least the world with internet. Damnit.
So the choice is yours, Susan. You can either shine a light on a feat of human achievement that hasn’t been matched since the invention of the back scratcher, or you can continue to sit in your little office like the cube monkey your parents want you to be. Seems like a pretty easy choice. I’ll see you on Saturday.
When I responded to tell them I wanted to run this, Constantine referred to me as “Intern Bitch Dave.”
This man is great. Please, do this this weekend. Every college student needs to do this.