You Need to Have a Lot of Booze.
This ingredient should be a given. If you were seriously planning to stay sober at the end of the week then you have some bigger issues we can’t fix. Loosen up, kick back, and drink up! Chug a beer right now if you were considering taking it easy. Just like Tommy Fresh, we think you seriously need to “treat yo’self!” Stock up on your favorite brews or mixed drinks (vodka tonics or whiskey sours are the only mixed drinks that you should be considering) and sample something new. Adding a new kind of booze to broaden your taste buds is what we call research, and it is very important. The weekend should be a time for celebration, specifically self-celebration, because you are awesome and deserve to kick down a few newspaper stands and eat some burritos after getting kicked out of the bar for the third time. Don’t have any good drink ideas? We recommended vodka for a good time and tequila for a really good time. Yes, we’re talking about shots, who drinks actual drinks anymore? What is this, high school?
Every Party Should Have an Epic Playlist
Bumping tunes all week long is key to not losing momentum and passing out like it’s your first beer. Sure, we know you’re exhausted from kicking ass at your job, but the weekend is your time to rage. No good hook-ups happen before midnight anyways, trust us. A constant stream of blaring rap, pop, and techno beats should keep your heart bumping and your fist pumping. Turn it up loud and take advantage of the fact that you can’t get the cops called on you until the sun sets, aka we definitely encourage day drinking and telling your neighbors to go suck a fat one. Without music, specifically good music, a party is sure to be a total bust. No one wants to grind in silence, or take handle pulls listening to Justin Bieber. That just ain’t right. Check out our playlists if you think you can’t come up with a set that lasts 48 hours straight. We wouldn’t leave you hanging.
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Make Sure You Invite the Right People
Don’t sit at home all alone, round up your entourage and get out there! Unite the bros and then hit up some ladies. Remember, without you, chicks would be sitting at home watching the Bachelorette instead of taking body shots. You are doing them a favor by getting them to cruise the bars. They seriously owe you. An important ingredient for a good time is people to share it with. Who will lift you up for a keg stand? Who will hand you the chaser (not that you need chaser)? Who’s going to draw a Hitler ‘stache on your face and then take a picture of you passed out on top of some rando? Who’s going to keep you from calling your ex-girlfriend and tell her she’s a bitch, or encourage you to call your ex-girlfriend and tell her she’s a bitch? These are important roles that need to be filled and shouldn’t be taken for granted! The people you choose to party with are the bros that will keep you bar hopping all night and will wake you up by chucking a full beer at your face the next morning.
Even Though You Say You Don’t Want It, You Always Gotta Have Some Drama
Even more important than having people around on the weekend is drama (specifically stupid drama that you aren’t a part of). What better to laugh at than stupid people arguing about stupid things? Bros fighting bros, chicks yelling at chicks about bros. Sounds excellent to us. Drama is essential to any epic Fraturday because that’s what people want to talk about. If you head back to the water cooler on Monday with no stories about mud wrestling, hair pulling, chest bumping, or black eyes, you’ll lose your reputation faster than we can shotgun a cold one. So go ahead, invite those two girls that hate each other and those two guys that always are looking for a fight. Who cares if shit gets broken, get ready for free entertainment.
For a Seriously Awesome Weekend, You Have to Create a Crazy Theme
A themed weekend is always a good weekend. Bust out your Hawaiian shirt or cowboy hat and get ready to get rowdy. Themes are minimal effort for you with maximum results. Chicks love theme parties and flock in little or no clothing to drink alcohol out of plastic handles just because you told them it might be an Anything But Clothes party. Make a quick sign on the back of a keystone box and you’ve got yourselves some decorations. Chicks love to dress to impress and a theme is the perfect excuse. Parties with themes make for the best pictures which is what you’ll need to get you through the following week until the next weekend. They also make for epic walk of shames the next morning. Who doesn’t love seeing a sexy school girl walking out of an apartment complex bright and early Sunday morning?
This post was originally published on Sorry For Partying.