Every fall there’s at least one or two stories about some freshman kid who thinks he’s hot shit now that he’s living all on his own (minus the fact that his parents are paying for food, school, clothing, life in general, etc.) which typically leads to said kid doing something really, really stupid. Take for example this Colorado State student who allegedly took molly, had a seizure, stole an ambulance and then spent his night jerking off in a police station, or the following kid out of Indiana State who supposedly took a few hits of spice and then completely lost his shit. Where is his shit, you ask? Nowhere to be found. It’s left the building, run down the sidewalk and started swimming over towards Russia. Or maybe the cops have it in custody. Either way, it’s not coming back. According to Youtube,
The dude was with a group of other dudes that looked a little fucked up. We were walking by them as they were trying to get into Cromwell (campus housing). After we walked out of the building, there was a group of them running out of the building laughing, and the dude in the video was zombie walking behind them (he hit the lady working the front desk, we didn’t know this at the time). He ended up following us around a corner. I looked back and he hit me in the face, then followed my friend I was walking with. I yelled for my friend and started chasing him. He was obviously fucked up on some bad drugs, so we weren’t about to fight him. He laid over the hood of a car, staring at us. Someone inside Cromwell called the campus police when he assaulted the lady working the desk. They showed up and started talking to him. He responded and gave them his name.
The officers were trying to grab his arm and he freaked out and started resisting. The police slammed him to the ground and that’s where the video starts. After the incident, he was placed on a stretcher and we saw him bleeding from his eyes. After he started freaking out, every one of his friends ran off and ditched him (how’s that for a friend group). Don’t do spice. Seriously. It’s not a “marijuana substitute”. It’s a synthetic drug.
That’s right kids, don’t hit spice because it’s synthetic. You know what isn’t synthetic? Cocaine. I’m no expert here but I’m pretty sure that stuff grows out of the ground and then you whack it with sticks and towels and it somehow turns into powder you can snort up your nose (if Narcos has taught me anything, it’s that). Stick with the snow and with any luck you’ll become the Pablo Escobar of your campus, which in college currency translates to “You can maybe buy more than three $2.50 rails without over drafting your bank account for once.”
[H/T Total Frat Move]