Iowa’s 22-year-old wide receiver Matt VandeBerg proposed to his girlfriend Laura Bulanda, a former Iowa cheerleader, after his squad dropped their collective testicles on Iowa State, 42-3.
Only top-tier college athletes can get away with this shit. Like if I proposed to my invisible girlfriend after a fire day blogging, where instead of the comment section saying “Matt, go put your head in a blender,” it said something like “Matt, you are slightly above average at your job. Keep up the above average work,” I’d currently be at Walmart with my dick tucked between my legs returning the Ring Pop.
But just because VandeBerg caught seven passes for 129 yards and a touchdown against a dogshit Iowa State team, he’s able to sweep a hottie off her feet while she’s surrounded by mouth-breathing, hammered drunk fans. Hashtag romance. While you and I have to plan a horse and buggy ride around Paradise around employ a couple violinists to serenade the occasion, VandeBerg just made this chick’s life while holding a pint of ball sweat in his jock strap. Some guys have all the luck, man. And those guys aren’t me.
I couldn’t buy a hot meal in college, nevermind a rock of this size. AND THEY SAY COLLEGE ATHLETES DON’T GET PAID, AMIRIGHT? Guys, am I correct? Whatever.
Take a good long look at what the Iowa tight end will be waking up to every morning. It will make you wish you tried just a little harder in sport.
Whatever, man. I guess I’ll go watch some virtual reality porn. Again.
[h/t The Big Lead]