Yale Professor Makes Midterm Optional For Students Who Were Upset About The Election Results

Whether you were crying tears of joy or sadness late last night, I think we can all agree on one thing: last night was fucking LIT. Based on previous polls and projections from publications that take themselves way more serious than ours, I thought Hillary was going to high-step into the end zone and the game was going to be over before my grandmother went to bed.

But the silent majority–those who were disillusioned by the broken political process but maybe didn’t want to publicly defend Trump’s rhetoric–showed up in droves. They likely weren’t the ones to post ‘I Voted’ stickers or write impassioned Facebook statuses, but they quietly executed their civic duty and achieved the biggest upset in U.S. history.

The result sent tremors through social media with hundreds of millions of tweets being sent out, expressing confusion, sadness and mass despondence from the Clinton gang. The shock from the result even tangentially affected academia at Yale University after students wrote in to an Econ professor to use their grief to weasel out of an exam.

“Fear for their families.”

Nice touch, Yale students. Cute theatrics. I can’t hate on them because I would have surely been one to send an email, not because I was too distraught, but because I didn’t study for the test. We all have our reasons.

Meanwhile, Yale biology teachers ain’t got the time for your tantrums. KREB CYCLE AIN’T NEVA SLEEP!

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.