Beck Starr/FilmMagic
A recent study I pulled out of my anus shows that humans’ patience is involuntarily cut in half the moment he or she arrives at an airport.
The only thing worse than sitting stationary in a vessel for hours on end while breathing the same taint-infested air as every other asshole onboard is….actually come to think of it, there is nothing worse that what I described.
That being said, all the bullshit that comes with flying leaves zero wiggle room for anyone to rock the boat. The best plane passengers are ones you don’t even see, hear, or smell. If they were on fire, you wouldn’t be able to piss on them because they’d be so subtle you wouldn’t be able to locate their engulfed bodies.
Comedian Andy Richter experienced a passenger who shattered the unspoken etiquette of flying when some dickwad took off his shoes AND socks and plastered them to each side of the in-flight entertainment screen.
The Conan sidekick had no choice but to step in. He tweeted:
“So I snitched this fucker out to the flight attendant, who told him to put them down,” tweeted Richter. “Puts them back a few minutes later & I asked him to put them down. ‘They’re your bare feet, man.’ He was shocked & put them down. When he just put them back up I decided fuck it, I’m tweeting.”
Reading Andy’s details of the event is a good way to lose weight.
We had to get off the plane because of lightning and there were dirty toes smudges where his feet were. I am not exaggerating. You could see the outline of his big toe, etc.
The flight attendant came back right before we got off and asked him to take them down again. Guy did and asked “is that like a just-when-taxiing thing?” Attendant: “no, it’s a basic airplane courtesy thing.” Guy seemed surprised to hear that
Comedian Nick Kroll made a poignant observation. Even the dog, an animal who humps blankets and eats its own puke, is sickened.
Andy Richter Twitter
I’m not saying this guy’s life needs to be ruined because of this, but he definitely needs some time to think. In prison. 3-5 years. 1.5 with good behavior.
Yeahhhh, and throw this guy in the adjoining cell.
Where they’re going, washing your feet can mean big big trouble.
[h/t Uproxx]