Anthony Weiner Lands On His Feet As The New CEO Of A Countertop Company

by 1 week ago

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Anthony Weiner has more lives than a cat. Just when you think he can’t possibly come back from his latest scandal, he pops out of his hole with his eery, hairless chest to let the world know he’s now the CEO of a shattered glass countertop company.  I  mean this guy pivots more than Hakeem Olajuwon. What a resilient, innovative, flexible sex criminal.

NY Times– Anthony D. Weiner, the former congressman and New York mayoral candidate, has a new gig: He’s the chief executive of a Brooklyn-based countertop company.

In an email blast Monday morning, Mr. Weiner pitched IceStone, which he took over in May, as a business offering an “unlimited array of different colors we can use in our recycled glass creations.”

“It’s a reminder that even as a lot of people are choosing our gorgeous light/white colors” from a palette of 17 options, Mr. Weiner wrote, “we get calls every day from customers who want a little color in their kitchen, man cave, or restaurant bar.”

Jesus Christ. Did anyone else read that last part in a weird, husky, 2AM sex-hotline voice? “Call now if you’re lonely. We get calls every day from customers who want a little color in their kitchen… man cave…”

I’m sorry Anthony, but the damage has been done. It’s impossible to take you seriously, whether you’re selling stained glass countertops or throwing batting practice for a double-A affiliate or buffing the halls of some high school and sleeping in the janitorial closet. NOTHING this guy does will ever seem real. I realize you have to try to live life, but you did 18 months in federal prison for sexting a 15-year-old! You’re on the registry, dude! You’re someone that QAnon points to as evidence of their democratic pedophile cabal. Write a damn book or a TV show about your life. Lean in to it. Let’s hear it from the creepy otter’s mouth.

With all that said, I did check out the countertops. They have some delightful options. I like the Ocean Grass and the Denim Moss myself, but I can see why you might prefer the more unassuming Fogbound or Snow Flurry. I wonder which one Carlos Danger will choose for his, uh, man cave.

Senior Editor at BroBible and co-host of Oops the Podcast

TAGSAnthony WeinerBusinessCEOcongresscongressmanglass countertopHillary ClintonNew YorkNew York Citysex offendersex scandalstained glassWeiner