Story Details For ‘Avatar 2’ Have Finally Surfaced, In Case You Forgot How Dumb The Plot Of This Franchise Is

by 2 months ago

20th Century Fox/Disney


One of the best results of the epic Michael Jordan docuseries The Last Dance was the creation of the “so I took it personally” meme.

While the general public has always known about Michael Jordan’s hyper-competitiveness, the extent of MJ’s pettiness was perhaps not truly understood until The Last Dance, which gave fans an unfiltered look into the lengths Jordan would go to in order to have an advantage over his opponent.

For example, the “so I took it personally” meme would play out something like this:

Jordan: “This four-year-old — he was crying non-stop. Whining constantly. Threw his ice cream on the ground and a couple of drops landed on my sneaker. So I took it personally and was never nice to children or ice cream again…”

That’s essentially how I feel about Avatar: no matter what they do or what piece of news comes out, I take it personally. I can feel my blood pressure begin to spike, my brain kicking into gear as I cook up roasts. I don’t know how or why, but somewhere along the way, I made it one of my career missions to discredit and dunk on anything related to Avatar whenever I could. Just look at the Avatar-related headlines I’ve published in my less-than-12-months here at BroBible:

James Cameron Dissociates From Reality, Claims It’s A ‘Certainty’ That ‘Avatar 2’ Will Outgross ‘Avengers: Endgame’

If You’re 1 Of The 6 People Who Still Care About This Movie, Here’s A New Official Look At ‘Avatar 2’

SHOCKING: ‘Avatar’ Actor Says Filming Multiple Sequels At Once Is ‘Confusing’

Oh Wow, No Way, Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before: ‘Avatar 2’ Is Being Delayed

The Official ‘Avatar’ Twitter Having Less Than 125K Followers Is My Favorite Thing On The Internet

So, naturally, when I saw that plot details for the sequel have finally made their way onto the internet — ELEVEN years after the original movie was released — my brain had but one thought: search and destroy.

Actual plot details were scarce until producer Jon Landau spoke to RNZ.

“This is the story of the Sully family and what one does to keep their family together. Jake and Neytiri have a family in this movie, they are forced to leave their home, they go out and explore the different regions of Pandora, including spending quite a bit of time on the water, around the water, in the water,” Landau said. [via Uproxx]

Ah, yes, indeed: on the water, around the water, in the water — exactly why people go to movie theaters, to see a bunch of aliens conduct oceanographic research. Can’t wait.

At this time, Avatar 2 is currently scheduled to hit theaters on February 29, 2024 December 17, 2021 (not happening).

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Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him eric@brobible.com

Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Contact him eric@brobible.com

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