iStockphoto
We are in the midst of a Bearocalypse, folks. The bear revolution has begun.
Forget robots and AI. Bears are becoming our real existential threat.
The latest shot fired by our future bear overlords occurred recently at Camp Nelson, located around 45 miles northeast of Porterville in California.
It was there that one of them broke into the home of Carmen Morales-Board and proceeded to incinerate the place.
The bear managed to burn the place down by showing off its marksmanship as it was plowing its way through her food cabinet.
Seeing no use for canned food (bears don’t know how to operate can openers… yet), it tossed the cans off the shelves so it could better get at the good stuff.
“I guess [the cans] flew across the kitchen and hit, it’s a very narrow kitchen and hit the stove top and hit the burner, the burn knob and was able to light the stove that way,” Morales-Board told Fox 26 News.
“There’s nothing left. It’s gone. The chimney’s left that’s all.”
California Department of Fish and Wildlife spokesman Peter Tira blames their giant appetites and their incredible sense of smell – seven times more powerful than a bloodhound.
“If they become accustomed to food and garbage there’s no turning back. They want that food because it offers a huge amount of calories with the least amount of work,” Tira said.
Tira says relocating troublesome bears doesn’t really accomplish anything either.
“When you relocate a bear that’s breaking into a cabin or doing some other unnatural behavior you’re simply relocating that bear to another community where it’s going to cause the same problem,” Tira said.
This past Tuesday, on Halloween, a bear was spotted trick-or-treating in a Florida neighborhood and helped itself to some candy.
Over the past two months, bears have also snuck into a kitchen at an Aspen hotel (attacking an employee), climbed aboard a luxury catamaran at a Florida yacht club, invaded a family barbecue in Pennsylvania, and stolen some White Claws from a porch fridge at another home.
The bear is out of the bag, folks, and there’s no turning back now. Beware.