I don’t know what my girlfriend does for a living. I thought I had a good handle on it: software sales. But in the past month, as our “space” has become “co-working space,” I’ve learned that I don’t know what she does. It certainly sounds like she’s a telemarketer. I didn’t know we had those in America anymore. I thought all those jobs went to robots or India. Phone call after phone call, pleasantries upon pleasantries. Our Wifi doesn’t extend to the majority of this little place, so I can’t go to the bedroom or our GITMO basement. As such, I get to listen to her lube these reps up all day long, offer incentives, trials, all that shit, as I haplessly endeavor to focus on my important weed blogs.
Fortunately, I found a decent little bandaid: rain. Who doesn’t love the sound of rain? Flood victims, probably. Sailors who lost friends to storms at sea. Pyros. But beyond that, rain provides a calming, rhythmic track that will reduce saccharine sales pitches to a remote, distance squawk.
Here are my favorite rain tracks on YouTube:
1. Gentle Night Rain
This is our leadoff hitter, our Ichiro. Reliable, clean, crisp, and gentle. You feel like you’re actually outside among the raindrops, soaking it in like Andy Dufresne after the poop chute. Plus, three hours is a nice chunk of time. When the rain stops, you’ll realize it’s time for something else in your life. A workout or a sandwich or, if you’re a total try-hard, more rain.
2. Rain Sounds with Thunder
This ten-hour monster brings the ruckus. Thunder is the hot sauce of rain, and I personally like a little heat with the wetness. The only issue I have with this track is that it sounds like the rain is hitting the windshield of a car, or a tin shack in a shantytown. I don’t want my rain making me think I’m hiding or homeless. Rich rain only.
3. HEAVY Rain
This is evacuation rain. This shit is torrential. Opening scene of a horror movie rain. It’s not my cup of tea, but it definitely makes me want a cup of tea. Better get your work done quick in this storm; we’re about to lose power.
4. Rain In Forest
If you like the thirst-quenching image of an elf sipping water from a cupped leaf, this is your jam. The rain drops slapping against the forest branches and leaves provide a more percussive experience than I’d like, but to each his own.
5. Thunderstorm With Fireplace
Ah, the old indoor-outdoor hybrid. One foot in, one foot out, so to speak. Everyone loves a cozy fire during a rain storm. The only issue is that whoever cooked this track up recorded it in the world’s most haunted house. How many people died in this place? How many bodies were disposed of in that very fireplace? Despite the crispness of the thunder and the ticklish whistling of the wind, this one is too spooky for my likes.