The vegetarians are at it again. Why are vegetarians and vegans always trying to make non-meat foods into meat? Why can’t they just eat their non-meat foods and shut up? Why are they always trying to take non-meat foods and make them taste as meaty as possible? Last time the vegetarians took a chunk of cauliflower, grilled it, and called it “cauliflower steak.” Now, the vegetarians took a slice of bread, grilled it, and called it “bread steak.” That’s not steak. That’s toast.
Former Epicurious digital director David Tamarkin wrote a story titled “Savory French Toast Is My Vegetarian Steak Swap” for Bon Appetit, where he encouraged people to substitute bread for steak. Bread is bread, and not a substitute for steak.
Tamarkin stopped eating steak “for environmental reasons and nothing else,” which spurred him to create bread steak. Tamarkin describes the dish as a “custard-soaked, Parmesan-crusted chunk of sourdough—essentially savory French toast—that really is decadent in the vein of a rib eye. It’s fatty. It’s salty. And if you do it right, it’s downright meaty.” Unless you drop a ribeye on that bread, then it ain’t meaty. Sorry.
Twitter reactions overwhelmingly declared “bread steak” is actually just toast.
sorry but absolutely not, this is just toast, I’m not having it pic.twitter.com/qJqwIUy134
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) June 26, 2021
Bread steak. When food media goes too far. https://t.co/i7BqK3LGbV
— Andrea Garcia (@AKGarcia331) June 26, 2021
“Y’all are really trying to convince people that cheesy bread tastes like steak…. thank you for starting my day off with a laugh,” one critic said.
“Whenever I feel like I haven’t had enough vegetables in my diet I just cut my steak into the shape of broccoli,” another person snarked. “That way it’s satisfies my vegetable cravings without having to eat vegetables. My meat broccoli is healthy, slightly grassy, and down right has bitter notes of cruciferous vegetables.”
“If the bread is reared organically the bread steak is much more tender,” one person joked. “The Japanese cultivate Wagyu Bread steak in which the loaf has excessive marbling.”
Stop trying to make non-steak foods that taste like steak happen. It’s not going to happen!