Bruce Smith Does Bills Mafia Proud After Barbaric ‘Family Feud’ Answer Brings Show To Dead Stop

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Bruce Smith:

11x Pro Bowler
2x NFL Defensive Player of the Year
NFL 100th Anniversary All-Time Team
Family Feud First-Ballot Hall of Famer

The 57-year-old defensive legend appeared on Celebrity Family Feud as a member of the NFL Hall of Fame team featuring Cris Carter, Michael Irvin, Orlando Pace and Kevin Greene.

It didn’t take long for The Sack Man to live up to his nickname while simultaneously making Bills Mafia proud to call him theirs.

Ah, yes, Disney’s most feared villain, Captain Boner Hands, Penis Pan’s sworn enemy dead-set on mushroom-stamping all those who refuse his advances.

Totally feasible, Bruce. Thank you for your contribution, but unfortunately the Family Feud production crew will now have to confiscate the liter of Jack Daniels and the gravity bong you’ve been stashing below your buzzer. This is a family program.

I’m grasping at hogs here, but maybe Bruce Heard the word ‘hook’ and his brain immediately went to ‘penis,’ revealing a characteristic about himself that Elon Musk can relate to.

Regardless, I would 10/10 watch a Captain Boner Hands movie starring Jack Black as the titular character. Anything is possible if they made a sequel to Paul Blartt: Mall Cop. 





Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.