Things Get Beautifully Awkward When Chad Goes Deep Fights Against ‘Small Dong Shame’ On National Television


Chad Goes Deep may look like the human manifestation of bong resin. They may dress like Andy Dufresne post-Shawshank. They may talk like guys you’d never want to ask for directions.

But when you cut through all the theatrics, tomfoolery, shenanigans, and ballyhoo, Chad and JT are bravely tackling concerning issues that plague bros today by putting the ‘grass’ in grassroots.

Just to name a few of the causes the dank duo, who self-admittedly gets “stoked off civic duty,” has activated for thus far:

Sadly, like most civic icons, it will only be after they’re gone and buried that we will truly be able to parse out Chad and JT’s impact on the world.

On Fox News’ Watters’ World this weekend, Chad Goes Deep rejected Jesse Watters trivial question about a meaningless football game so they could advocate for the true epidemic plaguing society’s XY chromosomes: Small Dong Shame.

“The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and the average penis length of a man who Googles “average penis length” is 3-and-a-half inches.” -Bo Burnham

It appears as if Jesse was a bit offended over this particular cause, which would seem to indicate that he has a baby carrot. A pencil eraser. A vienna sausage. A microshaft. A centimeter peter.

The mere fact that I’m using these terms in a derogatory manner shows just how much ignorance on the issue I must overcome. I apologize to Jesse Watters and his baby thumb. Thank you Chad Goes Deep for the education.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.