Chris Cuomo Calls A Bicyclist A “Jackass Loser Fat Tire Biker,” Bicyclist Snitches To The Hamptons Police

Chris Cuomo reveals his coronavirus symptoms including sky-high fever, hallucinations of his dead father and shivers so violent that the CNN anchor chipped a tooth.

Getty Image / Justin Sullivan / Staff

First, I thought losers rode skinny tires. The skinnier the tire, the bigger the loser. That’s the rule I’ve used in targeting my bullying towards cyclists since the day I graduated from training wheels to a big boy bike. You’re telling me this guy:

is cooler than this guy?

Sorry Chris, I didn’t spend 25 years poking sticks into the spokes of padded-tights-wearing, energy-chew-chewing, mirror-on-the-helmet-glancing, arm-turn-signaling, share-the-road-bumper-sticker-buying nimrods to recalibrate my loser lens towards the beachcombers and mountain bikers. It’s too late for that.

NY Post– The Long Island resident blasted as a “jackass loser fat-tire biker” by Chris Cuomo in a radio rant told The Post on Tuesday that the CNN host is nothing but a bully — and he has even filed a complaint with cops against him.

The 65-year-old longtime resident said he was just out for a bike ride before Easter dinner when he spotted who he thought was Chris Cuomo on property he says the CNN anchor bought in East Hampton last year. 

He said Cuomo then started toward him, coming to within about 40 feet.

“I said to him, ‘Your brother is the coronavirus czar, and you’re not even following his rules — unnecessary travel,’” the resident said.

I want to hate the biker. Let me rephrase that: I hate the biker. But he’s not wrong. If I saw Chris Cuomo tossing a frisbee around the great lawn of his new Hamptons mansion, I’d be… unnerved. Same goes for Tommy Hanks, Idris Elba, Rudy Gobert, and any of the other famous people who came forward as positive. I don’t know that I’m going to the East Hampton police to file a report, but maybe I throw up a tweet or 12 about it. Just saying.

On the flipside, if I’m Chris Cuomo and some biker tells me my brother is the “coronavirus czar, and you’re not even following his rules,” it’s tough not to instantly turn into the Hulk. What’s the point of Chris’ Crossfit WODs if he can’t crumple a garage sale bicycle like a bottle of Deer Park water? Starting to think this guy is all bark and no bite.

Another day, another Cuomo story. Not sure what this guy is gunning for, but he definitely knows how to hold our attention.