Elon Musk Introduces Tesla’s Blade Runner-Inspired Cybertruck, Accidentally Breaks Window He Claimed Was Bulletproof

FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP via Getty Images

On Thursday night, Tesla CEO and apologetic doobie smoker Elon Musk unveiled the company’s first all-electric pickup, the Cybertruck, which looks like the product of a Mad Max car fucking R2-D2.

The metallic trapezoid, which Musk described as “cyberpunk” and inspired by the films Blade Runner and The Spy Who Loved Me, represents Tesla’s most experimental vehicle to date and will start at a price of $39,900.

At a promotional event in Los Angeles Wednesday, Musk brought on stage Tesla Chief Designer Franz Von Holzhausen to demonstrate the strength of Tesla’s sixth vehicle model by taking a large sledgehammer to the body and a metal ball to the side window of the Cybertruck.

The first experiment went swimmingly.

The latter experiment did not go to plan.

Keep in mind, earlier in the presentation, Musk claimed that the truck was bulletproof against a 9mm handgun.

“Oh my f—— God!” Musk said. “Well, maybe that was a little too hard. We’ll fix it in post.”

According to CNBC, Musk said the Cybertruck can go from 0 to 60 mph in less than 6.5 seconds at the low end (single-motor and rear-wheel drive), and in 2.9 seconds at the high end (tri-motor all-wheel-drive). The company claims production of the lower-priced Cybertrucks should begin in late 2021 with the trimotor to follow in 2022.

I would give my left testicle to own one of these bizarre-looking bastards, but I am relishing in people’s jokes about the Cybertruck online.

Sure as hell beats my Nissan Rogue.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.