I’m trying to recall anything memorable that happened this week to write about and…yeah, I’ve got nothing.
There are just some weeks where the days are just days and nothing of note – good or bad – takes place.
I’m fine with those days.
But it does remind me of a book I read about memory and these people who can recall every single day of their life. They remember what they were wearing, what they ate for every meal, who they talked with, and hundreds of other little bits of information.
No thank you.
I’m not sure how any of that information could be of any importance unless a person is being framed for murder.
I don’t need to remember ten years from now that on October 2, 2020, I ate tacos for breakfast because I forgot to run to the store for eggs.
Me: What's wrong?
8-year-old: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
Me: That's no so bad. I write entire books.
8: Yeah, but this has to be good.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2020
My 11 year old daughter has said fuck twice already this morning, but yes homeschool is going great why do you ask?
— Luke+ (@lukeplusone) October 1, 2020
If by loaded the dishwasher you mean did I just take eleven shots of tequila then yes, the dishwasher is loaded
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) October 2, 2020
If you think it’s impossible to be late for work when you work from home, we probably can’t be friends.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) October 1, 2020
Drove by a chain steak house and there was a crowd of people waiting outside in the Florida heat so they could have the pleasure of sitting down to eat average food in a crowded super spreader indoor space. We live in such different worlds.
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) September 27, 2020
12: "What's for dinner tonight?"
12: "So, there's nothing to look forward to?"
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) October 1, 2020
Laid a pun down on my 13yo son, and he just stopped, looked at me and said:
“I’m not mad, dad. I’m just disappointed.”
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) October 1, 2020
Sometimes I like to drive really fast* and then rip my mask off half way so it hangs from one ear and then whisper “talk to me goose.”
*like 3mph over, tops.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) October 2, 2020
I like women put “daughter” to describe themselves on a dating profile.
Like, yeah, I know where babies come from..
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 29, 2020
I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 28, 2020