The funniest tweets and memes from dads this week is here to bring a smile to your miserable damn life.
Something I noticed this week – Quarantine has ruined snow days for most of the country, especially those places where kids are still doing virtual school or a hybrid schedule.
The kids don’t get off from school so I can’t take off from work. Snow days are just regular days with more outside work to be done like shoveling and removing the snow off cars on my lunch break.
Covid ruins everything.
Unrelated, I was going through my phone and deleting old videos and photos out of boredom and stumbled across this video I took a couple of years ago. It still cracks me up.
Ok, here are some funny dads.
I will pay someone $30,000 to train my 11 yo on how to flush a toilet.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 4, 2021
Parents out there naming their kids things like, Montana and Carolina and Dakota, but you never see anyone with the balls to name their kid, Idaho
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) February 3, 2021
anyone: I hope this email finds you well
me: question is [cocking gun] how did it find me
— tom (@pilau) January 29, 2021
My son told me he came downstairs after we tucked him in last night and he heard "gorilla sounds" coming from our bedroom. I never thought we'd have 'the talk' this soon, but I sat him down and told him about irritable bowel syndrome.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 3, 2021
Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves.
My dog: This cookie is too big please break it in half.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 5, 2021
My 6- and 9-year-old sons discovered Google slides so now they can collaborate on presentations from different rooms. Appears things are progressing nicely… pic.twitter.com/nskxBtupFF
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) February 4, 2021
Today, as my 7yo sat in his science zoom class, I heard him tell the teacher:
"A mini-orgasm is the smallest creature."
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get an email later about that.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) February 3, 2021
5-year-old: *does something minor* You're so proud of me.
Me: How do you know?
5: I told you.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2021
I usually think it’s cute when my kids mispronounce words but my 3 year old wants a clock for his bedroom and has asked me to get it from the cock shop
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) February 1, 2021
My wife and I heard our kid get up and hid the bowls of ice cream we were making like we were breaking down a meth lab with sirens in the distance.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 4, 2021
Question for my fellow parents: what the fuck?
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 2, 2021
I got disconnected from a work Zoom call and assumed I got fired, because that's how anxiety works.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) February 1, 2021