Welcome to another installment of dads making jokes on the internet while slowly losing their minds.
I’m your host, Chris, a dad making jokes on the internet while slowly losing his mind.
Something crazy happened this week. I went into the fridge to grab food and noticed the filtered water pitcher was filled to the top. I knew I didn’t fill the pitcher.
My 10-year-old son, the kid who puts back empty boxes of food, gets sent into the house to get a coat and comes back with everything but a coat, and recently got upset because he didn’t realize a brownie sundae has a brownie in it, filled the pitcher up without being asked.
What exactly are all the signs of Covid? Because it’s the only way I can explain this occurrence.
Here are other dads doing their best to make sense of their world.
First they tell me to 'stay home, save lives' now they're saying it's 'illegal to run a hospital from my basement'. Make up your minds!
— Daveastated (@Daveastated) March 12, 2021
I sneezed in front of my 9th grader and her friends and now we all have to move to a new city and start a new life.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 11, 2021
me: hi i'd like this small tattoo
tattoo artist: that'll be $985.
me: how much to just stab me?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 12, 2021
My boss asked us for a list of equipment we want added to next year's budget but I don't know which company makes the best sex robot
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 11, 2021
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1370026848042717186
https://www.instagram.com/p/CMTS7wQFxE2/
You’ve heard of a charcuterie board now get ready for a chickuterie board pic.twitter.com/thI80MOBth
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) March 11, 2021
Parents of little kids: every movie…every fucking movie. https://t.co/bFNvwsHEfc
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 12, 2021
Just got my vaccine. How long before the sweet mutant powers kick in?
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) March 9, 2021
Me: Next year, you can ride the school bus.
5-year-old: I don't want to.
Me: Why not?
5: It goes to school.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 11, 2021
https://www.instagram.com/p/CMSO6RpFaV2/
Today I learned that @WWE dot com has the greatest 404 page ever imagined. pic.twitter.com/wMPxHTt8n0
— Don Povia (@HHReynolds) March 11, 2021