Welcome to another installment of dads making jokes on the internet while slowly losing their minds.
I’m your host, Chris, a dad making jokes on the internet while slowly losing his mind.
Before we get to the tweets and memes, I want to retell a fun Gen Z story from the gym the other day.
A bunch of younger adults working out and Pink Houses came on and one said to the other “bet you can’t name this singer” and the other said “Leonard Skynlard.”
I normally don’t engage but I just stared at him and they all started laughing and I said “what is he an optometrist? Leonard?”
He replied that he felt worse saying “Skynlard” because he knows for a fact that can’t be right.
His friends try to give clues about the singer and one girl says “His nickname is a big cat” and he goes “Lion. Tiger. Cheetah.”
Wanting to help the guy save face, I offer this clue, “a 50-year-old woman alone at a bar.”
He immediately yells “COUGAR!”
You’ve just gotta know how to speak to young people.
He never got the right answer and had to be told the singer is John “Cougar” Mellencamp but not before he guessed the “John Matthews Band.”
I canceled my membership.
Here are other dads doing their best to make sense of their world.
Ahhh, you've put your toddler to bed, now you can finally – just kidding, they’re up again.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2021
I used to worry I was too sexy to be taken seriously. Life has proven me wrong, but not in the way I’d hoped
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) March 18, 2021
6 is currently crying and mad at me because his body won't allow him to poop more this morning.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 19, 2021
According to a Doritos bag I'm a "Family."
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) March 19, 2021
Looking forward to the Zack Snyder cut of this pandemic.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 19, 2021
The cool part about having kids is how they tell you everything you love is shit
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) March 19, 2021
bank account: $1400
me to a girl scout: give me the thick mints
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) March 14, 2021
If I do my job right as a father my kids will never know about slime. They'll be at college one day and some kid will be like, "remember playing with slime when we were kids?" and they'll be like "remember playing with what?"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 19, 2021
10-year-old: I loaded the dishwasher.
Me: Like me or like Mom?
10: Like you.
Me: You did it wrong.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 18, 2021
The key to happiness is simple – buy snacks that no one in your family but you like
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 16, 2021