Welcome to another installment of dads making jokes on the internet while slowly losing their minds.
I’m your host, Chris, a dad making jokes on the internet while slowly losing his mind.
My kids are here all week because their mom is away. Every morning, at 9 am, my son disappears into his room and my daughter goes into my bedroom for school.
My daughter is back out in the living room by 9:04 am.
She needs a pencil or a snack (right after breakfast) or the room is too cold/hot or she needs to tell me this amazing thing in school they’re doing today instead of waiting for that moment when I ask at the end of school and she says “nothing.”
I’m thinking about putting a lock on the outside of the door but that’s also my bedroom and I’m currently single and dating and that feels like a bad look the first time someone comes over.
“Is that to lock me in the bedroom?”
“No, my daughter.”
Here are dads doing their best to survive.
wife: I'd scream like a little girl
7: you're not a little girl!
wife: I am a girl
7: no. you're a GIANT girl!
me: ohshitwhathaveyoudone
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 5, 2021
I wish I loved anything as much as Netflix loves starting a show while I’m still reading its description
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 5, 2021
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1367834932186284032
Storm Tropical Storm pic.twitter.com/DCeioiwiYf
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) March 5, 2021
https://www.instagram.com/p/CL-a_NsFhjp/
Generally a pacifist, but if you forget to turn off your high beams before passing me, I will wish you a most painful death.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) March 3, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. It now takes you five days to pack for a three day trip.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 3, 2021
"Don't tell your teacher I said that," is a phrase I'm using way too much around the house.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) March 3, 2021
6-year-old: *skins knee* You need to fix the sidewalk.
Me: What's wrong with it?
6: It's hard when I fall.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2021
This bathroom looks like my kids' toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 4, 2021
He was a g8er boi pic.twitter.com/5rq3aamRqg
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 5, 2021