25 Funny-As-Hell Tweets And Memes From Dads This Week

dad tweets this week

Twitter / @thecatwhisprer

I tried intermittent fasting and when I say I tried I mean I didn’t eat breakfast one morning and that sucked and I’m not going back to that place.

I also like breakfast. I love breakfast foods. Breakfast foods are so good they’re totally allowed to be eaten for lunch or dinner. No one ever wakes up and eats a dinner.

“So for breakfast we have cereal, I could make bacon and eggs, or crab cakes and brussel sprouts.”

I wasn’t supposed to eat until noon. By 9:30 I was yelling at birds in a hunger range. “You chirp in my yard again and I murder your whole fucking family! And spread the word to your woodpecker friend I’m going to take my time with him!”

I need breakfast. I’m starving when I wake up in the morning. It’s been hours since I fell asleep on the couch eating a bag of chips.

Last night, I ate an entire bowl of edamame but I did go for a late run. It’s better than a bowl of ice cream. No, I don’t mean edamame tastes better than a bowl of vegetables, don’t be stupid.

I haven’t eaten yet this morning. Now you understand why I’m talking like this so please don’t hold it against me. I’m waiting for my crab cakes to heat up.

Here are 25 funny tweets and memes from dads that will fill you up first thing in the morning.