25 Funny-As-Hell Tweets And Memes From Dads This Week

best dad tweets


I’ve given up on online dating, and I’m now stalking attractive women in public.

Maybe stalking isn’t the right word.

What’s a good word or phrase for “trying hard to randomly bump into a woman while with my kids just to strike up a conversation”?

Fine, stalking.

I only do this when my kids are around. I’d never do this alone. That’s creepy.

Fine, more creepy.

This plan hasn’t worked yet, and I’m not even sure what will happen if it does work because my kids will be right there.

I’ve never asked for a woman’s number with my children hanging on my ass.

I’m not sure I’ve ever asked for a woman’s number, ever.

Wait, once. She worked the cologne counter at Lord & Taylor, but I didn’t pull the trigger when I was buying the cologne. I went back ten minutes later to ask for her number. I guess stuffing my face with Auntie Anne’s pretzels also filled me with confidence.

“Here, put your number in my phone,” and I go to hand it to her, and the phone flies through my buttery fingers.

That was a peek inside the life of a single dad. You’re welcome.

Welp, here’s some funny shit.



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