Hulk Hogan Thinks Coronavirus Is A Punishment From God And Jesus Is The Only Vaccine Needed

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It shouldn’t be of any surprise to anyone that Hulk Hogan is an avid Believer. You don’t score $31 million for fucking your best friend’s wife without a direct line to God Himself. Only the Hulkster, man.

The 66-year-old has offered his perspective on the pandemic, and if it were up to him, medical professionals would administer patients the Communion instead of breathing apparatuses.

Buckle up, folks. Hulkster’s driving and I think he’s had too much blood of Christ.

Word up, can you handle the truth my brother only love HH

In three short months, just like He did with the plagues of Egypt, God has taken away everything we worship. God said, “you want to worship athletes, I will shut down the stadiums. You want to worship musicians, I will shut down Civic Centers. You want to worship actors, I will shut down theaters. You want to worship money, I will shut down the economy and collapse the stock market. You don’t want to go to church and worship Me, I will make it where you can’t go to church”

“If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Maybe we don’t need a vaccine, Maybe we need to take this time of isolation from the distractions of the world and have a personal revival where we focus on the ONLY thing in the world that really matters. Jesus.

Yes, Jesus matters I guess, but I have asthma, bro.

Over/under on when the sex tape is released between Hulk and the woman featured in the video below. Two months? I’ll take the under. God is with me.

I’d watch. Nothing better to do.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.