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There are those guys that strike out with the ladies a lot more than their pretty boy buddies. It is that breed of dude who always bumbles his words when trying to convince a member of the opposite sex that he is more interesting, intelligent and well-endowed than what he really is. It’s the one who leads with cheesy pick-up lines like “Hey sweetheart, did it hurt…when you fell from heaven?” every goddamned time he goes in for the kill. Of course, these creepy, douche bag tactics are never effective when it comes to locking in on a serious target. Unless the woman is just trashed out of her gourd on tequila shots, she’s probably going to flash the dude a look of utter disgust followed by an eye roll while his idiot brain continues to force an awkward, one-sided conversation that even has the bartender searching for a trapdoor out of the atrocious encounter.
But men and women are sort of schizophrenic when it comes to their social mating calls. Perhaps in another situation – a library instead of a bar — the same girl giving this loser the brush off might find him appealing enough to give him a fighting chance at seeing her naked. Just take a look around and you’ll spot plenty of couples out there where the man is a soft boy, donut-eating bastard, who through some obscene miracle of the universe, is knocking boots on the regular with some super sexy, porn star looking chick that any man would give his left nut just to be with for a night. It’s a situation where you ask yourself, “How in the hell did that piece of trash get her?” Talk about depressing. I mean, no man needs confirmation that while he is going home empty-handed to pet the old walrus, some beautiful woman is letting some beer-bellied goon grunt and drool all over her for three minutes like a wounded animal needing to be put down.
Unfortunately, not all of us can be the poontang thirsty lady killers that we’d like to be at all times. This can make attracting top-notch, quality tail more difficult than just showing up at a social function in moderately handsome fashion. Sure, being charming goes a long way, but there are other aspects of the laws of attraction that we have a tendency to get disregard. Most of us forget that nature is on our side when it comes to showing women that our gross, hairy bodies are worthy of that whisker biscuit on occasion. Come to find out it could be beneficial for us to out stanking from this point forward.
A recent study from the American Psychological Association finds that manly scents alone can make women want to drink more booze. And as we’ve learned from years of drunken experience, people who have a tendency to lean more toward the sloppy side of inebriation are often more willing to party naked. “Because sex-based scents are a biological component of sexual behavior, and alcohol is associated with sex via, at the very least, experiential and cognitive processes, it is not a stretch to posit that the activation of sexual processing pathways in the brain by exposure to particular scents might, in turn, activate alcohol associations,” the study reads.
Researchers believe it is well within the scope of reason that male scents are driving women to drink more alcohol. Previous studies have shown that men are driven to greater heights of booze consumption when surrounded by the odors of fertile females, so why wouldn’t it go the other way?
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In those studies, female fertility pheromones were found to influence men to drink more beer. What’s interesting is during this exploration men were utterly oblivious to the fact that these particular odors were providing them with the inspiration to get hammered. When you stop and think about all the times you’ve woken up the morning with a vicious hangover following a night of lady-chasing shenanigans, the science behind this phenomenon starts to make some sense. Interestingly, researchers found that men drink less around infertile women. It seems those baby-making genetics embedded in the human race understands that booze just has sex more fun.
As for the women in the latest study, researchers asked a group to smell “cologne,” which was actually a mammalian pheromone called androsterone. Another group of feminine noses was given pure water.
Once all of the smell tests were complete, the women were offered beer. Scientists found that “Consistent with the earlier work, females consumed more alcohol after exposure to a male sexual scent (androsterone) than after a neutral scent. Detection of male sexual scents…may instigate drinking because of the longstanding cultural association between alcohol use and sex,” they added.
There is some controversy surrounding the existence of human sex pheromones. Science has not yet been able to prove there are definitive chemicals oozing out of our pores that make us want to tickle each other’s get me off spots. There is, however, a small body of evidence showing that the sweat of both male and females can have an impact on reproductive cycles. But whether or not these odors have an ability to help spawn a sexual attraction remains mostly unknown.
But the latest research is a step in the right direction. With body odors driving both men and women to consume more alcohol, it doesn’t really matter if smells are making members of the opposite sex want to screw each other’s brains out. They are going to anyway. Science may not have a grip on sex pheromones, but it has been proven time and again that hard liquor is the leading panty dropping substance on the planet. So go ahead a take a shower tonight, boys! The only fuck perfume you’ll need for a chance at the girl is sold in taverns and liquor stores everywhere.
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Mike Adams is a freelance writer for High Times, Cannabis Now, and Forbes. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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