Nick Sandmann, The MAGA Hat Protest Kid, Settles $250 Million Lawsuit With Washington Post

As an observer, I hate settlements. Because they always result in an “undisclosed sum.” We never get to know how much they’re worth, and that pisses me off. Is there anything worse than watching a movie about some small town lawyer that represents the farmers against the big chemical company, and the movie ends and we see a few lines that tell us what really happened? “The farmers settled for undisclosed sum in 2005.” What the fuck was the point of the movie? We need that goddamn number! HOW MUCH DID EDUARDO SAVERIN GET FROM SUING ZUCKERBERG?!

For Nick Sandmann, that $250 million is an eye-popping number, but it could be that young Nick only made $100,000 of that. Or maybe he made $200 million. Any lawyers want to weigh in?

The reason it matters so much is that if Nick Sandmann is going to make over $100 million from all these lawsuits, you’d have to say it was worth it. Right? Granted, the kid was torn apart on Twitter and any chance of him holding a regular job becomes pretty tough when you’re the face of that face, grinning in Native American activist Nathan Phillipps’ face. Who knows, maybe he becomes the next gun girl aka Kaitlin Bennett. Seems like they’re chummy already from his Twitter.

How about the balls on Sandmann coming after Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey? “Don’t hold your breath @jack.” YIIIIIKES. The kid JUST turned 18 and he’s taking shots at billionaires that actually mean something. When I was 18, I was smoking swisher sweets and thinking they were cigars. Kids these days.

I always try to weigh the pros and cons of big settlements for young people. Like the Duke lacrosse scandal. Those kids were awarded settlements north of $15 million each (I believe). And yet, even with that ESPN 30 for 30 telling the whole story, there are still a lot of people who don’t know that those kids were innocent. Is $15-$20 MILLION worth the price of your reputation? I guess it depends on who you are.

I’d definitely take a broken leg from a FedEx truck for $5 million. It would have to heal back to full strength though. Can’t put a price on my vertical leap/lateral quickness.