A Running List Of The Pandemic’s Biggest Pricks

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Social distancing sucks. There’s no two ways about it.

I am one bedsore away from checking out Young Sheldon on CBS. Irritability is at an all-time high. Self-esteem an all-time low.

No one enjoys giving up the civil liberties we’ve all adopted as commonplace.

But at this point, with the New York Times publishing pieces titled ‘The Sky Is Falling‘ and the U.S. government preparing for the possibility of a pandemic that could last up to 18 months and include multiple waves of illness, if you believe yourself to be the exception, you are an asshole. There’s no two ways about that.

There have been far too many Americans exposing themselves as the shit stains of this great nation, and they deserve to be shamed for literally spitting in the faces our founding fathers.

These are just a few of the most egregious offenders.


Translation: Old people deserve to die. Poignant stuff from the 5th year senior.

Brad, Brent, Ashlee, Tiffani, Kyle, Travis, Krystal.

Never miss an opportunity to spend daddy’s money.

Evangeline Lilly

Evangeline Lilly Wont Self-Quarantine Thinks Freedom More Important

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After boasting on social media about dropping her kids off at gymnastics camp, the Ant-Man and Wasp actress, who is currently living with her dad who has stage 4 leukemia, Lilly called the pandemic nothing more than a “respiratory flu” before saying this:

“I have two young kids. Some people value their lives over freedom, some people value freedom over their lives. We all make our choices.”

Vanessa Hudgens



Can’t say we as a nation didn’t see this coming.

Kacey “Kaceytron” Caviness

The popular Twitch streamer was banned for saying she would spread coronavirus to kill ‘old and poor people.’

Toilet Lickers.

Captain Oblivious.


Rest In Peace to the brain cells I lost reading this.

Every Celebrity Who Donated Money To Aid Participated In This A cappella Rendition From Hell. 

It’s a damn shame I’m actually a fan of some of these people. I need to process this to see where I stand when the dust settles.


I understand there are far more people keeping the health of others into account and doing great things in an effort to help, but I’ve been cooped up in my place for a week and I need to blow off some steam.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.