You Know Those God Awful Easter Candies Called Peeps? Well, Believe It Or Not, They Just Got More Disgusting

by 1 year ago

Lets imagine we’re all flies on the wall for the Peeps board meeting.

Exec: Our product sucks.

Entire room (in unison): HELL YEAH!

Exec: It tastes like a marshmallow fucked a Yankee Candle.

Bill, director of sales: WOOOOOO!

Exec: But we’re not there yet. We need to continue our mission to bring sadness and diabetes to every child in America.

Norman (staring blankly out the window): I hate my wife.

Exec: Ok ok ok, Norm, we’re getting somewhere. What do you hate more than Linda?

Norm: My middle son, Trevor.

Exec: Even more…

Norm: When I fill the toilet with a full roll of toilet paper and my ass is still caked with shit.

Entire room: *nods in agreement*

Exec: But the ONE thing that makes you want to drive your ’92 Kia into your garage, roll up your windows, turn on the engine and drift off to sleep.

Norm: Oh, easy. Candy corn.

Exec: THAT’S IT. We will now sell candy corn flavored Peeps!

Vladimir, Product Developer: 

Exec: Norm, as a show of my appreciation, you and your family will now receive a year’s worth of Candy Corn Peeps.

Norm: *gets up, opens 20th floor window, swan dives out*

Norm, I’m with you bro.


TAGSawful candycandy corn peeps