You Know Those God Awful Easter Candies Called Peeps? Well, Believe It Or Not, They Just Got More Disgusting
Lets imagine we’re all flies on the wall for the Peeps board meeting.
Exec: Our product sucks.
Entire room (in unison): HELL YEAH!
Exec: It tastes like a marshmallow fucked a Yankee Candle.
Bill, director of sales: WOOOOOO!
Exec: But we’re not there yet. We need to continue our mission to bring sadness and diabetes to every child in America.
Norman (staring blankly out the window): I hate my wife.
Exec: Ok ok ok, Norm, we’re getting somewhere. What do you hate more than Linda?
Norm: My middle son, Trevor.
Exec: Even more…
Norm: When I fill the toilet with a full roll of toilet paper and my ass is still caked with shit.
Entire room: *nods in agreement*
Exec: But the ONE thing that makes you want to drive your ’92 Kia into your garage, roll up your windows, turn on the engine and drift off to sleep.
Norm: Oh, easy. Candy corn.
Exec: THAT’S IT. We will now sell candy corn flavored Peeps!
Vladimir, Product Developer:
Exec: Norm, as a show of my appreciation, you and your family will now receive a year’s worth of Candy Corn Peeps.
Norm: *gets up, opens 20th floor window, swan dives out*
Norm, I’m with you bro.