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I stumbled across a wonderful piece in the NY Times, and I thought you’d enjoy it too. As we know, people have been dating through Zoom without ever meeting in person. Turns out, a lot of them are finding that the connections they established through hours-long conversations through their computers don’t hold up when they meet in person:
After video dating for four months, their comfort level increased and their conversations became more intimate.
“I don’t think I’ve talked to someone on the phone for that long since I was a middle schooler,” Ms. Boykins said. “We learned so much about each other and spent so long talking to each other that it felt like we were in a relationship.”
Surprisingly, the in-person chemistry did not match the chemistry felt over the course of four months of video dates.
But when it came time to hug, Ms. Boykins instantly noticed something felt off. For the remainder of the evening, they did not touch. When the date ended, she was met with a text from Allie saying that the vibe in person felt friendly.
I gotta say, this is maybe the ONE place where we have a chance against the impending takeover by AI. The robots can’t make us want to bone each other. Like in Bruce Almighty, the Lord can’t make Jennifer Aniston love Jim Carrey. No matter how many algorithms they run, no matter how much data TikTok has on me, no robot on earth can convince me to get naked with someone if their body odor smells like a load of forgotten, wet towels.
People are turned off for a billion reasons: bad breath, too short, massive forehead, disqualifying genitalia… you name it, we’ve cited it as a reason for why it didn’t work out. Smart people learn how to hide these flaws on Zoom: wear a baseball cap to even out those facial proportions, sit on phone books. Plenty of tricks to keep you in the game until, hopefully, your new love interest is so head-over-heels that they will overlook these tiny flaws when you finally get together. Fake it ’till you make it, baby.
Except it’s not working out that way! And I absolutely love to see it. People admitting that they’re superficial assholes for a dating piece from the New York Times! Never thought I’d see the day. Seriously, this article starts with the example of two women who connected deeply over months on Zoom. But when they finally met in person, one imperfect hug called the whole game off, followed by an immediate friendzoning via text. That’s COLD.
Other examples:
Another issue with video dating is unmet physical expectations. When Catalina Mejia, a 24-year-old bilingual journalist in Washington, met up with a guy she had been regularly communicating with on FaceTime for a month and half, she was shocked to find he was shorter than she had expected.
Ms. Oud suggests showing yourself fully by standing up and turning around for a clear view of how you look, even if it feels awkward.
That might be the dumbest thing I’ve read this year. Oh Catalina, you were shocked to find that the guy you’d only ever talked to online was shorter in person? What are you, brand new? Welcome to the 21st century Catalina. The world is a lot shorter than you’d think.
As for Ms. Oud, I’m no dating expert but I think it’s safe to say that asking the woman on the screen to “stand up and turn around for a clear view of how you look” is likely going to go poorly. This isn’t the 1920s. It’s not the introductory minute of a BangBros scene. I believe you’ll find yourself facing a “Zoom Meeting Has Ended” screen 10 times out of 10 with that sort of request.
In sum, know that the person you see on the computer probably isn’t that great. Give up and wait for the vaccine. Then hit the bar and take enough well tequila shots that none of those flaws matter anymore. Ah, the good old days…