Summer has turned to fall and we’ve subbed out our bathing suits for our most comfortable and elastic fleece pants. The ladies are going back into hibernation and football is slated for three out of the week’s seven days. If you’ve found a way to enjoy all of fall’s offerings without packing on the Fall 15, let me know. Or don’t, and just let me live my life.
This Sunday alone, I ate a breakfast burrito, two helpings of Chinese food, more chips and dip to keep Frito Lays in business, and beers. So many beers. A sudden wave of shame washed over me until I realized that it wasn’t shame I was feeling, it was onset diarrhea. After I cleaned myself out, I swore to myself that I would watch what I eat on the weekends going forward. And then I watched a potato skin enter my face hole and all was right in the world again.
I am not alone. And after perusing the Reddit thread: What’s the “fattest” thing you’ve ever done?, I know I’m not alone. Here are the fattiest responses.
When my girlfriend was out with her friends, I ordered pizza. I ordered two to get free delivery, and ate both of them in one sitting.
When she got home a few hours later, she wanted pizza. I ordered pizza again and ate another one.
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One time I went to Maine and lobsters were only $3, so I ate five of them, and then puked all over the lawn.
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KFC “Sharing” Bucket.
Guess which word there was incorrect.
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Picked up McDonalds for 4 people on the way home, got there to find that my friends had broken down (all three were coming in the same car), once they were finally sorted they just went home. Throughout the evening I finished off all of the food.
My husband and I used to do one full month of clean eating (early in our relationship) and to reward ourselves, we’d celebrate Fat-urday. We’d go for a greasy breakfast at our favorite local diner, get pizza and other junk food to eat for the rest of the day. One glorious faturday, we baked one giant chocolate chip cookie, covered it in ice cream and oreo crumbs, chocolate sauce and caramel in a huge mixing bowl.. so good. Now every day is faturday.
I stole a kids snack once…I was their teacher at the time. He left it at the snack table to play, i figured he didn’t like them. He was like, “Are those my fig newtons?” I just had to say no and keep eating them
Folded a large pizza over & ate it like a calzone
After a night out I ate 40 chicken McNuggets and two chocolate shakes.
I was still hungry afterwards.
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I have to watch myself because I can go wild when I’m on my period. Once I had an entire pizza, an entire chicken, an entire family/party size lasagna, a steak, pork chops, 4 baked potatoes, a tub of ice cream, a burger, and about 2 dozen cookies in two days. I’m 5’5″ 145 pounds. I have no idea wtf was going on with my body, but I have more self control now.
Check out the whole thread here and never feel bad about being yourself again.