Power-Ranking The Overall Bro-Ness Of The New iPhone Emojis With iOS 12.1

The people who get paid to think up emojis at Apple have the greatest job in the world. They’re literally the Johannes Gutenbergs of our time, defining how we talk to each other with symbols. It’s a digital literacy and it’s freakin’ wonderful.

Apple just rolled out 70 new emojis with iOS 12.1, the new iPhone update push notification you probably received in the last 24 hours. It includes a slew of new emojis: people with red hair, gray hair and curly hair, “a new emoji for bald people, more emotive smiley faces and additional emoji representing animals, sports and food.”

I’m here to analyze the overall Bro-ness of these new emojis. A few in particular standout.

Let’s start with the lacrosse emoji. Lax players of the world are no longer limited to sending the weak red net emoji that doubles as a hockey net.

Crazy it’s taken this long for a softball emoji.

Also: Glad there’s finally a frisbee emoji for when you want to wook out at a music festival with your fellow wooks and toss some disc, just like a Sunday on the quad back at Ithaca College. The skater emoji is hella Cali, to be used up there with the shakka emoji.

There’s also a crunchy granola hiking boot emoji…

I can’t explain my enthusiasm for the Llama emoji. FINALLY, a way to call my favorite Phish Set 1 opener in emoji form. Get ready for those Llama emoji bombs on the group text, friends.


There’s also a salt shaker emoji, for those salty moments in life.

Also in food: A PROPER LETTUCE EMOJI. You can finally use that beautiful head of lettuce emoji to properly talk about flow, one of our most passionate topics here at BroBible.

Finally, can’t forget the icy cold emoji for those icy cold moments when you get shut down. The lobster is very David Foster Wallace.

That sad face? That’s the emoji you send your coworkers when they tell you there’s no more free bagels left in the conference room because you’re offsite at a meeting.

At least, for me, that’s the exact face I make when I miss an opportunity to have free food.

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