This ’30 For 30′ Parody Of Shaq Losing To Aaron Carter In That God Awful Music Video Years Ago Is Woke Journalism

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Shaquille O’Neal: 4-time NBA Champion, 15-time All-Star, NBA MVP. There’s no debating Shaq’s place among all-time NBA greats. But, every legend has his scabs for sports media to pick: Jordan with the gambling, Kobe with allegations of sexual misconduct, Brian Scalabrine with the, uh, actually I’m pretty sure Scal’s legacy remains untarnished.

But one thing the sports media has run through hoops to cover up is what happened on an outdoor court in Los Angeles eight years ago. The 7’1” monster was ousted by a pre-pubescent Hollister greeter in what should go down as the biggest skid mark on the clean undies of an NBA icon. And thanks to a few intrepid journalists, the biggest upset in basketball history shall not be forgotten.

Stay woke.

For real, though. You have to watch Aaron Carter’s ‘That’s How I Beat Shaq’ music video from start to finish. I don’t know what skeletons the Carter camp had on Shaq for him to agree to do this music video, but it had to be something that would permanently damage his reputation. He managed to do that anyway.

Theory: I now know why Shaq agreed to be featured in this steaming pile of horse manure. To get to Carter’s mom.

Understood, Shaq. Understood. Carry on.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.