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Getting old is something we all dread to some extent, and as we all know there is really nothing we can do about it. Time flies and so does your age whether you like it or not. I look at my receding hairline now and my hair just looks confused, it doesn’t even look dead, it just looks confused.
To be quite frank, I almost wish my hair was dead instead of confused, this way I can just go full Joe Rogan mode, buzz my hair and try and trim some body fat to compliment the whole bald look. If I am going to go bald I at least want to be shredded and be able to throw some leg kicks like Rogan does. But if you’re one of the lucky ones out there with a full set of hair, here are some other ways to tell that you are indeed getting old.
First things first, when people start asking you what year you graduated instead of how old you are, that’s your first tell right there. I can not think of a more polite way to ask someone how old they are then by asking what year they graduated. If the girl you are talking to on Bumble doesn’t want to spill the beans on how old she is in her profile, just go ahead and ask what year she graduated high school, that will always get the job done.
Another subtle tell is what time you are having dinner. Lately, I have been having dinner at 5:30, which is just 30 minutes after my Jewish parents eat dinner in Boca Raton, Florida. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents but that is a problem; 5:30 is prime time for the early bird special and that is just not something I want to be a part of yet.
Do you find yourself hesitant before stepping into the shower now? When you feel like you are one wrong step in the shower away from a hip replacement, you, my friend, are getting old. I used to jump into the shower or even dive into it like I was sliding into second base at Yankee stadium. Those days are long gone for me which gives me yet another reason to believe that my youth is waning and waning on me FAST.
Nothing about this blog is going to make you feel good about yourself, but that’s okay. It can’t all be sunshine and rainbows and lord knows when I look into the mirror nowadays it is so far from that. Be sure to subscribe to The BrilliantlyDumb Show on YouTube and all other streaming platforms for this type of ridiculous banter.