The Subjects You Needed For Admission To Harvard In The 1890s Are STAGGERING


Not sure exactly where this came from, but some goose named David decided to air out the standards required for admission to Harvard in the 1890s:

Sure, that’s a lot. Too much, probably. Not sure how any self-respecting high schooler can study French, German, Latin, Greek, AND still reliably hit island cups at > 30% in pong. We (the Harvard admissions committee) seek WELL-ROUNDED students. These 1890s kids sound entirely too narrow-minded.

Yes David, neither can I. And that’s because the second some kid started to “demonstrate familiarity with the laws of physics and elementary astronomy,” then pivoted over to Ancient Greece and Rome, I walked away. What kind of idiot lets themself get trapped in a multi-subject lecture from a 17-year-old? Move on. That kid has no power over you. Jesus.

Cue the nerd humblebrags:

Ughhhh Yitong, please. The only thing you have a command of is the slit between the two twin mattresses you pushed together. You named it Gretchen and if the app Foursquare were still a thing, that would be your most visited place.

Awesome, Blake! Good thing you opted for college-level physics (mechanics) in high school. That’ll definitely give you a leg up when you become a mechanic, since you failed so hard so early in life. Also, Yitong has you beat by miles, and I just buried him in the last paragraph. NEXT! 

No Mike, there are other things you don’t have. Like a Harvard degree, I’m guessing, since there’s no chance in hell you were admitted. Not with that attitude, bruh. Not when you’re pinning your intellectual shortcomings on immigration policies from like 1905. Come on, that’s weak as hell. Ever been to an airport? They sell every single Rosetta Stone you could imagine. Only thing holding you back is you, pal.

All of this is to say that while academic expectations may have been loftier in the 1890s, it is possible to get your kid in to Harvard knowing only a couple things today—like the proper technique for scooping a ground ball in lacrosse. Trust me, I know.