Culture

This Thread Imagining How ‘The Office’ Would Unravel During The Pandemic Is Genius

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The Office Composite


It’s been 3,021 days since NBC aired the final episode of The Office, and the mere fact that I’m editorializing about it a full eight years after Jim decided to pursue his dream of working in sports marketing is evidence of its rock solid legacy.

It’s probably best The Office escaped before the culture validated think pieces like 5 Episodes Of The Office That Are Totally Problematic and SEO-hungry blogs foamed at the keyboard to throw the beets out with the rain water.

Nine seasons and 201 episodes is an iconic run, but in a time when laughs are hard to come by, witnessing how the Dunder Mifflin Scranton office would unravel during the pandemic is a worthy thought exercise.

 

 

Michael stages a closed-casket funeral for Toby to convince the office Toby passed away despite Michael using the opportunity to finally fire him.

Dwight fluctuates the price of the vaccine based on his relationship with co-workers. The vaccine is just an edible of beet juice and THC from Schrute Farms. The whole office gets zonked and Michael is tasked with figuring out how his office is going to pass the impending mandated drug test from corporate. Kevin polishes off an entire sheet cake.

Resentment grows within the office when it’s revealed who eclipsed the stimulus check salary threshold.

Angela brings her nine cats into the office, passing them off as service animals. Toby, deathly allergic, starts sniffling and sneezing and Michael chains him to the radiator in the warehouse.

Ryan is roped into wearing matching bedazzled masks Kelly knitted on their three-month Covid-versary. Todd Packer bullies him into submission.

An over-cautious Dwight wears a Stormtrooper mask to protect him from the office’s Patient Zero, who he makes various attempts at guessing. His plan backfires as Meredith is turned on by the mask and refuses to socially distance by making a move on Dwight, sexually.

As Oscar works from home, Creed uses a paper clip and an N95 mask to break into his desk and steal his valuables to pay for a homemade vaccine his buddy from ‘Nam is cooking up in his basement.

Michael Scott recruits Darryl, a trained singer, to lead an office version of ‘Imagine’ to raise money for coronavirus relief. Michael is actually raising money to keep the branch afloat after it was denied stimulus relief.

Michael constantly berates Kevin for being “high risk” because of his weight. Kevin ultimately decides to get really into Peloton during the pandemic and shows up to the office with a six pack and a lettuce-only diet.

The Scranton office mandates working from home and it comes to light that Creed doesn’t have a home and has been living in a man-dug tunnel below the building.

Kelly fakes a dire sickness to get Ryan’s attention. He steps over her on his way to the printer.

Dwight’s beet juice and goat milk vaccine gives him unrelenting diarrhea but his stubbornness won’t let him stop.

Michael blows the candles out on his birthday cake and Tony reminds him that the virus spreads via liquid particles. Michael spits in his face.

Aaaand ending credits.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.
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