In a previous life, Tommy Lee must’ve saved a litter of puppies from a burning building or something because this dude has a horseshoe lodged up his ass.
Women aside (Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, and now 34-year-old Brittany Furlan), the 58-year-old Mötley Crüe drummer has somehow evaded serious physical harm after recently admitting he drank two GALLONS of vodka a day during a span last year.
Lee, who is now two weeks away from his one-year sobriety anniversary, told Yahoo! Entertainment that while home from touring last year, he would guzzle 3.785 liters of vodka out of pure boredom.
“I literally did nothing. I would just float around drink and f–king drink! And what’s crazy, I didn’t notice it until towards the end of it when I was like, ‘Oh, dude, I gotta stop. This is f–king insane,'” he explained. “I was drinking out of boredom. I would just wake up and build all vodka and a little eyedropper of cranberry or lemonade or something — literally straight vodka. I was drinking 2 gallons — not pints — gallons, the big handles, A DAY. That’s f–king crazy!”
“What’s important is I realized, ‘Whoa, dude, you’re drinking enough to like, you could probably die.’ And it wasn’t even phasing me,” he admitted. “I just became immune to it, and realized, ‘Whoa, this is a lot! This isn’t good.’ So it was time for me to pump the breaks and just get rid of it for a while.”
For my visual learners:
Lee—who admitted to having sex with groupies mid-show, doing $1,000 a day in heroin, and snorting blow off drum sets—claims he oscillates between a healthy and reckless lifestyle.
“I’ve been sort of on and off for a long time,” he explained about his sobriety. “I go through these phases where I want to live a different life and f–k all the dumb s–t. Then I decide, ‘You know what, I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to have fun and play and be f–ked up and stupid.'”
If you’re wondering how Tommy is still alive after pounding 14 gallons of straight vodka per week, medical professionals are just as baffled.
The drummer said he went to rehab for a month and also saw his doctor, who was shocked by his test results. “He’s like, ‘Dude, I don’t know what the deal is with you, but your liver’s fine, you’re super healthy, what are you made of?!'” Lee said of his physician’s reaction. “I’m like, ‘Did you get my papers mixed up with another guy named Lee?!'”
God, please allow me to come back as Tommy Lee in the next life. This doughy blogger gig is a shit hand and you know it.