iStockphoto / Joachim Kietzmann
A Kentucky trailer park legend by the name of James Loveless passed away earlier this month.
His obituary outlining binge drinking, debauchery, and a general passion for the simple things in life has gone viral after the Internet got wind of it. The obit was picked up by the NY Post and Barstool, and guys all over are attracted to this viral obituary like a moth to flame.
Here are some of the more memorable entries from James Loveless’ viral obituary:
“As a gluttonous eater of fried foods and snack cakes, as well as the occasional chili cheese dog, James, tried in vain to give up the ghost by clogging his arteries and having a stroke in 2015. His twin boys, Rocky and Rodney, had other plans and made him go to the hospital. While waiting in the ER at the hospital, he was heard saying, “Let’s make a break for it!”, only to be heard by one of the hospital staff and forced to go through the procedure. He wasn’t too excited about the prospect, but went anyway.”
If you are a lover of chili cheese dogs and fried foods like James, maybe treat yourself to a little extra indulgence his weekend because why not?
James, like many guys, was a lover of barbecue. He understood that ‘slow and low’ was the only way to achieve perfect BBQ and the best way to pass the time was crushing beers:
“On many occasions in life, James was seen in his back yard at the trailer park during the early hours of the morning, hammering beers, standing over country-style ribs, and yelling, “It’s got a head like a cat on it!”, while nearby neighbors would peek out their windows bearing looks of disgust and amazement, as his party guests were slurring remarks about needing to speed up his cooking style. “We’ve been here since 5 o’clock,” they would say. “I’ve got work in the morning.”
Loveless was a “proud owner of a few lots in the trailer park” and if he wanted to make a racket while barbecuing all night then that was his prerogative and nobody could/would stop him.
It wasn’t just food that got him out of bed in the morning…
“We don’t know if he was married, but he definitely was a lady’s man. There was Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, etc., etc. “It’s the bones”, he told us as proudly pointed his skinny, pasty-white legs. “Women love a good shin”. We think he might even have some females waiting for him on the other side. Jamie loved his family more than anything else in the world…except ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank-tops, Kentucky Men’s basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy’s Raw.”
Eddie Murphy’s Raw was the stand-up special that turned me onto comedy as a kid. There was a Summer when it was airing on HBO every day and I wasn’t in camp yet but also way too young to be watching it. It’s got to be one of the top 3 stand-up specials ever recorded.
James will be missed by those that he leaves behind…
“He leaves behind his second-favorite son, Rocky(and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa(and Coy) Vance of the trailer park, as well as a pair of old boxers which have ‘Buttweiser the King of Rears’ printed on the design. He will be moderately missed.”
It’s unclear how hold that pair of ‘Buttweiser the King of Rears’ boxes were but ‘old’ really paints a picture of what they might look like.
It remains to be seen why Budweiser never contacted James Loveless for a ‘Real Men of Genius’ promo given all of the details in his viral obituary. But it’s still possible to do a posthumous tribute if anyone out there is listening.
Should you be so inclined, you can read the rest of the obit here.