I Don’t Know If I’ll Ever Be The Same After Watching These Two Girls Eat Spoonfuls Of Mayo At The Pistons-Kings Game


There is nothing more repulsive to me in this world that mayo. I don’t just hate it, I fear it. It’s a full on phobia. I was once at a Quiznos and the sandwich maker used a knife with traces of mayo on it to cut my sandwich. I made him throw the entire thing out and make me a new one. Yes, I’m a weak man. I don’t fuck with aioli either, because that’s just mayonnaise with skinny jeans. All of it can just fuck itself out of existence for all I care. And anyone who eats french fries with mayo or asks for extra on their sandwiches deserves to be institutionalized.

And then there are these two attractive young ladies at the Pistons-Kings game last night who will haunt my dreams for the foreseeable future.

I’m going to convince myself that this is a marketing ploy by the Kings PR department to bring some press to the worst team in the NBA. I have to believe that that container was cleaned out and filled with Cool Whip or Cadbury egg filling.

Regardless, just the visual of a spoon diving into a mayo jar will make me skip lunch. Or at least have one less slice of meat lovers pizza.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.