Every couple talks about the future, but if your partner promises a better future to make up for a terrible current relationship, you’re probably falling victim to “future faking.”
Future faking is a major clue that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. What’s future faking?
Narcissists will use promises of a better future like having a family, making more money, living in a better house, in an effort to get partners to stick around.
“It’s actually a form of manipulation,” Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains to Men’s Health, “and it’s keeping you hooked in by making the kinds of future promises you want to hear.”
Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, explains how narcissists use this “some day” technique and say the things their partner wants to hear with no real intention of making good on the promises.
“Future fakers reassure you, they tell you about the income potential they’re going to have one day, or they’re making more than enough money to take care of you.
In that way, future fakers can often coax a partner into leaving a job, or moving to another place, just to be with the narcissist… One of the main things that keeps people stuck in a narcissistic relationship is financial dependency.
And once that narcissist renders you financially dependent on him or her, they are able to exert far more psychological control.”
Durvasula explains that future faking is just a means of distraction and usually happens when a narcissist realizes a partner is moving away from the relationship. The narcissist will focus on the things that are really important to a partner in the relationship and promises better days are coming in those areas of concern.
Durvasula adds that this behavior isn’t limited to just romantic relationships. Family members can also use future faking by “dangling the offer of future opportunities or financial support” to get what they want.
Dr. Durvasala stresses that a narcissist has zero intention of following through on the promise and will ultimately just disappoint farther down the road.
“It’s kind of a psychological Ponzi scheme, in which you buy in now, and never get paid down the road.”
[via Men’s Health]