Do you have Royal Wedding Fever? No I said: DO YOU HAVE ROYAL WEDDING FEVER? I don’t either. But my girlfriend is going to make me watch it with her because when I agreed to be in a relationship I figuratively and literally clipped my testicles off with gardening shears, abandoned all personal interests, seceded all individuality, and now walk around dead-eyed with a plastic smile suggesting cute brunch places. I even like wine now and go on double dates with people I don’t even like. Who have I become.
*stares blankly at wall for 20 minutes*
So yes, I most likely will be watching the Royal Wedding this Saturday if I don’t want to get too much shit for the four bachelor parties I’m going to this summer.
To add insult to injury, the Royal Wedding airs at 8 AM EST!!! 8 AM!!!
If there’s a silver lining, it’s that HBO and Funny or Die are resurrecting Pasadena broadcast legends Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Cattigan to do a spoof of the broadcast. I hope this helps keep a shred of my manhood and integrity intact.
Probably not, though.