As the leaves begin to fall and your “usual” changes to a PSL, offices around America begin to look like LL Bean catalogs as men break out their favorite vests for the first time. This piece of not quite outerwear is one part utility and one part laziness. The cutoff arms allow for easy keyboard access, warmth in poorly climate-controlled offices and flexibility for extracurricular activities such as fist-pumping at happy hour or mock golf swings. The ROI of a good vest can be measured in dry cleaning cost savings as these versatile articles can cover slightly soiled and/or wrinkled shirts
Outside of the office, these pseudo-jackets are great for tailgating. They give you the necessary range to show off your intramural QB arm, plus they are the perfect balance of douchiness and class for all of your WASPy Fall photo ops. Paired with chinos and your favorite boat shoes, these versatile epidermis’ are the epitome of comfort and class for fall/winter outings.
(BTW, you can win 1 of 3 The Water Coolest branded Patagonia vests when you sign up for The Water Coolest, the preferred daily business news and professional advice email newsletter of bro-fessionals.)
Now that you’ve freed yourself from the clutches of sleeves, you need to pick out the perfect vest. Your options are fleece, sweater or puff material. Unless you’re a 90s rapper, don’t even think about wearing puff as anything other than outerwear. Well-fitting fleece and sweater material vests can be worn all day without creating incessant windbreaker swooshing sounds. And unless you are an Inuit or sending a statement to PETA, leave the fur or faux fur vests to the ladies.
The classic standbys are the Patagonia and vineyard vines, in navy or grey. These timeless pieces can bring you together on Monday morning no matter how rough your weekend was. If you aren’t the showboat type, and don’t care about the vineyard vines whale showing your colleagues that you spent $100 on a vest that cost sweatshop workers $15 to make, go the basic route. A non-descript Banana Republic or J. Crew vest will scream sophistication and highlight your sense of humility. Going with the illegally imported Chinese knockoff or department store brand is a risky proposition. Being caught with a fake Southern Tide vest can be your one-way ticket to excommunication to bro purgatory.
(BTW, you can win 1 of 3 The Water Coolest branded Patagonia vests when you sign up for The Water Coolest, the preferred daily business news and professional advice email newsletter of bro-fessionals.)
In a nod to the vest-wearing pioneers who pushed the HR envelope to assure that analyst classes of the future could go sleeve free, you can go the LL Bean route. But be beware of the social repercussions of wearing a “soccer-dad,” “two-hands-gripped-around-a-hot-chocolate” Eddie Bauer vest at too young of an age.
Company branded vest
Although it might help you get some coveted “Team Player” points on your annual review, be careful when wearing company-branded vests. Wearing company branded clothing while engaging in your normal outside of work antics can get you fired quicker than taking your bosses daughter out for a nice seafood dinner and never calling her again.
The “high-fashion” vest
Of course, if you are Bobby Axelrod you can go the European, goose down, Mt. Everest-tested route. A Moncler, or better yet, Loro Piana vest will tell people all they need to know about you: “Hi, I am a member of the tres-commas club and I have a micropenis.”
And if you work at Abercrombie and/or are a Chippendales dancer, by all means, rock this …
Bottom line
Remember, like a nice watch or a good piece of arm candy, a vest can class up any outfit so make sure you rock the basic white guy Fall staple with reckless abandon.
And don’t worry, we’ve got you covered … we’ve partnered with our friends at The Water Coolest to give away 3 TWC-branded Patagonia vests. To enter to win, you just need to sign up for The Water Coolest, the preferred daily business news, and professional advice email newsletter or bro-fessionals …
