25 Things Every Bro Would Buy If Money Were No Object

Imagine you are handed complete control of Apple, Microsoft, and Koch Industries today. Obviously, the first thing you would do is make sure all the right people are in charge to run the company as you go about spending the billions and billions of dollars you have just fallen into.

Now is not the time for technicalities, my friend. So save the, “Well, technically the shareholders…” crap for some other place. This is all about having fun and spending money on whatever you want without worry of a price tag. This is the one time in your life you will be able to go completely nuts and buy whatever you need while getting whatever you want. This is how every bro deserves to spend their lives.

This is just a sample of the best ideas I have ever come across in my life. These are the 25 coolest things you can buy if money were no object. Enjoy.

25. Roller Coaster

That’s right. You can buy it, so why not own it. Have a roller coaster, built exactly to your liking, and put it in your backyard. The designs should be epic.

24. Have Samuel L. Jackson Read you Bedtime Stories

Life doesn’t get much better than having Mace Windu read to you as you drift off into dream land. Not only would Samuel L. Jackson read to you, he will do the voices to go along with the book.


23. Buy Florida Gulf Coast University 

This one is as transparent as a box of clear wrapping paper. Just look at this place. It’s paradise.

22. Buy a Super Luxurious Mega Yacht

Women don’t take off their panties as easy as you would think. But if you had a yacht, as big as a mountain, you wouldn’t even have to ask. You could even call the boat, The Panty-Dropper


21. Hire the Jabbawockeez to Follow You Around and Breakdance on Call

Because you never quite know when you will need a mysterious group of breakdancers to drop it like it’s hot in the middle of a date. Snap your fingers and watch them dance. No one would bother you again.


20. Build a Giant Stadium to Play Videos Games and Watch 3-D Movies

Screw 100′ TV’s, you own the biggest entertainment center in the world now. Invite all your friends, and their friends, and thiers… You could play video games, get drunk, watch Game of Thrones, or do anything else you wanted to do ever. It is big enough to handle anything you throw at it.

19. Build a Fully Functional Jetpack

Sure, it worked in The Rocketeer. But now it is time for a fully functional jetpack to use for everyday travel. No more traffic, waiting in lines, or having to deal with cops, you have a jetpack. What better way to get from A to B then by flying.


18. Movie Theater with Live Performers

Anyone can go to the movie theater to watch a new release movie. But how many people can have Jennifer Lawrence perform Hunger Games live and in person? Shakespeare would be so proud.


17. Buy Every Casino in Las Vegas and Make the World’s Largest Casino

Every single person that gambles wouldn’t mind this one bit. You would have the biggest casino ever and it would be the entire Las Vegas Strip. I don’t know how to do it, I just know I want it.


16. Hire Jeffrey from Fresh Prince To Be Your Real Life Butler

You can’t be Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, no matter how much you want to be him. So instead, hire Jeffrey and begin your own crazy TV show but call it real life. No more pretending.


15. The Hercules 

Don’t even bother asking, you already know. If you have ever heard of Howard Hughes than you know about the Hercules. And if money is no object, you can turn that thing into your very own Air Force One.

14. Star in Your Own Movie

You have more money than you can spend so why not star in your own movie? You can have Olivia Wilde play the female love interest. Hell, why stop there? You can also have Megan Fox play your mistress and Jessica Biel play your first love. It doesn’t even matter, if you pay them enough, they can’t turn it down. Tom Cruise will also have a cameo but only so you can punch him in the face, twice.


13. A house that looks like the inside of a ’90s Taco Bell

Why own an actual Taco Bell when you can own a house that *looks* like the inside of a retro Taco Bell? Your rich and eccentric. You don’t care. Plus, that’s what Doordash is for.

12. Buy a Cruise Ship and Travel the World

Buy yourself a cruise ship just to take your favorite people with you on a world traveling tour. Just don’t hire Carnival. Too soon?


11. Build a Replica of Apollo 13 But Make it to the Moon This Time

Don’t just buy a replica, buy a fixed version of the busted Apollo 13 spaceship and sail that mother to the moon and back with Tom Hanks and Kevin Bacon as two of your passengers. Money does buy anything.


10. Own a House with a Fake Beach and Ski Resort

Sure, you can travel the world and go to any exotic location if you had all the money you could ever own. But why not just build your own resort with a working beach on one side and a ice cold ski resort on the other? It might be expensive so you might want to purchase Wyoming to do this.


9. Hire Someone To Wake You Up Every Day

I don’t see the point in having an alarm clock if you didn’t have to work, but if someone I was paying started banging on my door in the mornings, I might find a way to wake up for a few minutes.


8. Have All the Members of the PGA Tour play in a Four Round Mini Golf Tourament

Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, and every other high paid professional golfer will attend the mini golf tournament. It can even be televised. It actually might have to be televised simply because it is too great not to be seen by millions of viewers.


7. Build a Real Life Version of Jurassic Park

This one is exactly how it sounds. You will build a real life version of Jurassic Park and hire every single scientist in the world to figure out a way to bring back dinosaurs. It didn’t work in the movie because people were let on the island. This time, only you will stay on the island on the top of a mountain overlooking the land.

BTW – Elon Musk’s business partner is thinking about doing this, for real.

6. Build Your Own Pyramids

Since you are already building your very own Jurassic Park, you might as well go for the gold and build your very own pyramids. Nothing says pimpin like having your very own set of pyramids. Even Jay-Z would bow to your greatness.


5. Have Morgan Freeman Tell the Story of Your Life to Strangers

Since you don’t want to waste time telling your life story, have Morgan Freeman do it for you. It wouldn’t take too much effort on your part. All you have to do is right him a blank check.


4. Take the Remaining Members of The Beatles and Led Zeppelin and Form a Super Group Called The Led Beatles

Even young people who read this would appreciate the awesomeness in this group. You are taking two of the greatest bands in the history of sound and bringing them together to form the greatest music your ears will ever hear. Ever.


3. Build a Castle With a Moat

Having a castle is one thing but if you build a castle and add a moat, that is legendary. Just make sure the plumbing works. Oh and hire security guards to protect the castle. You don’t want any of the French getting inside now, do you?


2. Have Both Teams from Super Bowl 44 Replay the Game in Your Backyard with You as QB

You can choose to play for the Colts or the Saints, but since you already know the outcome, you might want to tell Drew Brees to take this one off. It doesn’t even have to be Super Bowl 44, you can hire the rosters from any two teams you want and have them play in your very own Super Bowl. Do what you want, you have the cash flow for it.


1. Your Own Private Island

Well, duh.