Bloody Blake Lively In A Bikini Tries To Stay Alively Fighting A Great White Shark, Ruins The Ocean For All Of Us

blake lively the shallows movie

Blake Lively has been laying low for a while. Yeah, she was spotted at the Met Gala wearing a dress to cover up the baby bump, but before that it was Age of Adaline (she’s 18+, YAS!) and Savages. Meanwhile, her baby daddy Ryan Reynolds just built an airport hanger out of the cash he raked in from Deadpool. Well, instead of making a bloody R-rated movie filled with expletives and dick jokes, Blake made a bloody movie that will have you filling the room with expletives as your dick sprints back into your body. It’s called The Shallows and in no way is it Open Water meets Jaws meets Sharknado

Here’s the movie description from Sony Pictures:

“In the taut thriller The Shallows, when Nancy (Blake Lively) is surfing on a secluded beach, she finds herself on the feeding ground of a great white shark. Though she is stranded only 200 yards from shore, survival proves to be the ultimate test of wills, requiring all of Nancy’s ingenuity, resourcefulness, and fortitude.”

When I was a kid I used to have a recurring nightmare that the pool I was swimming in would somehow transform into a some remote ocean filled with killer whales and great white sharks and exactly ZERO help to save me. They’d usually “buzz the tower” a couple times and I’d punch them away then I’d turn and BAM I’m Spam. Wake up and then … I guess go to school?!? Like, I just survived a goddamn attack, can I have a sick day to reflect?