Dan Bilzerian’s Old MySpace Photos Prove That Even The World’s Biggest Playboy Had A Toolshed Phase

Now I didn’t fully expect Dan Bilzerian to exit the womb with a six pack, a beard, and four Instagram models sucking on his umbilical cord. I thought it could be a possibility, but I could see how Bilzerian could have suffered through a few embarrassing phases before becoming the most envied playboy on the planet. We all have. Remember that time you frosted your tips, and wore jean cargo shorts, a choker, and an Abercrombie “undefeated” football t-shirt to the eighth grade dance? I didn’t have the courage to tell you back then, but you had a better chance at getting laid if you wore a human skin suit. But you’ve overcome, so congrats.

A deep dive into the 36-year-old’s MySpace account shows that the Dan Bilzerian is a true rags-to-riches story. The below photos from back in the day are the ones he chose to encapsulate his life. My have times changed.

Fast forward about 10 years, 20 million Instagram followers and zero leg workouts later, there are very few men on the planet who wouldn’t drop everything they know and trade lives with Bilzerian.

There is hope for all of us, bros. All of us.

[h/t LADbible]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.